This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2008-04-01 21:12:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The thief, it comes takes from the whole of only things that matter. The things of breath and flesh desire and pride. Things that somehow, put aside now gone forever. And all that’s left  of Mother’s china chest dust and empty bone… He stole the rest

Copyright © April 2008 Nancy Ann Hemsworth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-05-03 05:02:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Hi Nancy...interesting read, gives this reader lots to think about with many images to search out. He stole the rest really stands out in closing. Perhaps you might do another beginning with He stole the rest. Hope you are well. Think of you often. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-04-20 15:23:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, It sounds, because of 'mother's chest' that this might be your father who tore the family apart. But none the less, he actually didn't take it all. He couldn't take the spirit. I'm hoping he didn't take breath and flesh, cause to me that would mean death. The thief could also be death. Interesting thoughts here and nicely done. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-04-10 15:13:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
Only one slight suggestion and all else is positive, Nancy Ann. You begin the poem with thief an abstracted, "it" and decline to the personal pronoun "He" in the last line. Keep the same declination and begin with he. Otherwise this is a most successful poem, one of illiteration and interesting uncontrived rhyme. Even what's not rhymed falls lyrically in time with an otherwise bumpy meter (otherwise I say.) "of breath and flesh" is delightful. "dust and bone..." delightful subtlety to imagery. You have talent and this attests it. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Morales On Date: 2008-04-03 14:14:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A beautiful presentation of Death and the loss of a mother. I believe if I were to offer a couple suggestions for improvement it would be to lessen the repetition somewhat. Perhaps replace the period in line three with a colon and then omit “The things of” in line four. You might also consider omitting “that” in line six, as well as the comma. And in the end, all we truly are is “dust and empty bone.” Thank you for the nice read, poet. Mark
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