This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2008-04-04 08:13:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Second to None

You make me smile as you pass  Irresistible urge to reach out To touch   Hold   You make me swell as we embrace Overwhelming ache to enfold Totally feel Perfectly move You make me whole as we love Agonizing joy Unknown â€˜til you

Copyright © April 2008 Kenneth R. Patton


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-05-07 15:56:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Kenneth, Your sweet love shines like the sunshine in this piece. 'You make me whole' is wonderful. I'm glad you are loved. Too many of us are not! good, short, sweet and wonderful poem full of emotions. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcus J On Date: 2008-04-08 08:52:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Ken, the inspiration for your writing must be someone very special. Here we have yet another poignant piece. I’m sensing eroticism with this one, however. And it’s done extremely well! The test of a true poet is to avoid the crass wording in erotic poetry when it involves love. I’ve witnessed many writers make this mistake and it’s always left me to believe that they were simply horny at the moment, and not in love. Excellent work, poet. No suggestions for improvement. Mark M
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-04-05 22:37:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Beautifully expressions of emotions and most of all LOVE.......I can see the smile, feel the urge to reach out and touch as she passes by.......that must be some embrace my friend and the best part is she is all yours.......sounds to me like a nice fit indeed. Good presentation, nice word flow, and I am all for love....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-04-04 23:03:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Ken, You've definitely been bitten by the bug...so nice to see this bloom. You express how you are feeling deftly, a write of pure emotion and joy..exhuberance. Just a couple of small suggestions, you can use or loose them.. Congrats on your relationship... You make me smile as you pass Irresistible urge to reach out [t]o touch [to] [h]old You make me [swell]replace with [well up, ripple] personally I like ripple, reminds me of an electricity as we embrace Overwhelming ache to enfold Totally feel Perfectly move You make me whole as we love Agonizing joy Unknown ‘til you Thanks for trusting in us to share this with us.. TC Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-04-04 10:17:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Ahh, Mr. Patton is in love. Your second poem now in a row to express it. We think sublimation is mostly a form of self-delusion, but I beg to differ. It is the regard we show an attachment in which bonding reaches mating. And we're not alone in this, hardly. Many's the time I've picked up Mocking Bird feathers from my yard that represented two betrothed songsters, the first who met cat's paws from mischief and the second, who met them from a suicidal devotion to revenge. So, Mr. Patton, strut your feathers and it is my fervent wish you entrance your love into such enduring match. Your style, so in keeping with short lines and an interesting economy of words found in other of your work, is hardly terse but very light and pleasing. This helps mark the poem's sincerity and better serve the purpose of a love poem. Although I've absolutely no doubt of your lacking in guile and prurience, I would suggest, in keeping with an audience you're bound to gather (and their probable prurience) you change, "You make me swell" to something more like "you make me throb". This and your last poem are enduring love poems of my favorite sort, light yet devoted, sincere yet not overly hystrionic. Both good poems. JCH
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