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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-04-10 01:53:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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An End

Rome fell, like Americaâ€™s falling Our world domination is gone The dollar days are almost done Our television and press sell us lies Doesnâ€™t anyone realize? Torture is now legalized Freedom of speech closes down More police patrol our town Separated from our constitution We have corrupt elections And more corrupt politicians We must rally before dismissed Like was done the Dixie Chicks We must fight for democracy Lets quit funding the war more Lets stand up and protest! Weâ€™ve almost blown it; not many know it! Its coming close to an end my friend

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcus J On Date: 2008-05-05 10:03:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Very reminiscent of Dylan and his war protest songs. How sadly true this tone rings fresh at this time when â€œweâ€ as a nation should know better â€“ the causalities and costs are immeasurable. But there will always be wars and rumors of wars. This is the curse of humankind and none of us is immune. Thank you for sharing this thought provoking piece. Mark M

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-04-18 10:03:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Truth beknown my friend we should all be shaking in our pants. Your words bring to life the way it is today, the deceit our leaders pawn on us, the loss of our freedom, and to think torture is legalized while freedom is broken down. So much to think about, so much to talk about, and so much to do something about. Thank you for posting and for caring. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-04-14 00:06:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Dellena. A very emotionally charged piece...that speaks of your awareness and longing for change...the tide is turning, for sure..and as you rightly pointed out, the 'buying' power of the world's 'only' superpower is on the decline...steadily...a pay back from corruption, self-righteousness, policing, etc.... I noticed a rhyme scheme in the 1st stanza..but could not find that scheme carried elsewhere in the poem..which, imo, broke the flow...maybe a few fresher images :-) All in all, an emotionally charged piece that does link itself to the changing times...looking forward to read more !! Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2008-04-12 11:42:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena! I like this work - agree with it in all counts and think it is nicely executed. A few suggestions: An End Rome fell, [as] Americaâ€™s falling Our world domination is gone The dollar days are almost done Our television and press sell us lies [it feels like this line should rhyme as there are slant rhymes and rhymes throughout most of the poem Doesnâ€™t anyone realize? Torture is now legalized {nice use of rhyme here} Freedom of speech closes down More police patrol our town Separated from our constitution We have corrupt elections And more corrupt politicians We must rally before [being]dismissed [As] is done [by] the Dixie Chicks {not sure about this line} We must fight for democracy Let['s] quit funding [more war] [good slogan for a picket sign!) Let[']s stand up and protest! Weâ€™ve almost blown it; not many know it! It[']s coming close to an end[,] my friend -------------------------------------------- Keep fighting the good fight Dellena. Your in peace and freedom Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-04-10 09:36:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.00000
There is a rock song, beginning, "I heard the news today, oh boy...". Taking advantage of media bland presentation, so divorced of comment and moral judgement, the song expressed its message in mockery of the way news is now presented. You do that just enough here, but avoid the sterility too much of that device acquires. That can be a narrow walk between statement and poetry and your poem crafts that distinction incredibly well. Speaking of such matters (none more pressing) to much formal structure is laughable while too little is getting back to that marginality with non-poetic statement. This is a skillful weave that obtains the best of two worlds, a conciliation so rarely accomplishable. In possessing fine instincts and courage, Dellena, you win, acquiring success with them as a musician wins by creating a hit purely by the pursuit of ear. Presentation of anything that goes beyond the pat response reactions, that disarms the prepared arguments and appeals itself directly into the heart is the finest application of the genre and that is yours here. And, yes, I agree 100% with your sentiments. JCH

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