This Poem was Submitted By: Victor David Rooks On Date: 2008-05-02 12:35:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Versemen Chronicles Come let us ascend to the heights of being
To know and serve as Creator seeing
In wisdom seen as natural
In outcome sure.
When, by baseness lose our right to guide
Our rightness cloaked and set aside
In wisdom seen as natural
In outcome sure.
Journeymen then of deft decline
While prodding man the incline
In wisdom seen as natural
In outcome sure.
Till pit now claims
And beauty maims
In wisdom shunned
In outcome sure.
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Copyright © May 2008 Victor David Rooks
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-05-29 22:44:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Well presented poem, good rhymn and rhythm in your choice of words. Images created and I liked the repetition of In outcome sure. Thanks for posting, not sure if I have found your work before but I do look forward to finding more of it. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Cassandra E. Gorcsos On Date: 2008-05-29 16:05:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
You show an excellent command of the written word.I appreciate the meaningful repitition of the line "in outcome sure".The rhyme scheme and constant rhythm are successful in conveying your point.All in all, it was an excellent poem with few, if any, errors.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-05-27 22:41:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi, I like your poem, with the exception of one thing - the over use of the word outcome.
I think if you used some synonyms - the poem would stand out more.
Trust me I'm not a pro - but I'm honest about critiquing here-
Aside from that I enjoyed your poem -
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcus J On Date: 2008-05-07 23:58:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Interesting title. I prefer versemonger – they’re one in the same (it’s just me being picky again). The repetition serves in separating verses. The twist at the end – shunning wisdom – is definitely natural as suggested in repetition. It’s just a shame that we mortals have to ascend to the level of a creator before we know better. I hesitate to say “the level of a creator†for fear I might sink my titanic. Perhaps a notch below the Creator is safer said.
I had a little difficulty with the line, “While prodding man the incline.†I felt like it was forced.
All in all, another fine read, Victor. I look forward to reviewing more of your poetry this month.
Mark M
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