This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-06-29 15:44:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I'll Die Alone

Quietly I stand by your death bed and brush my lips upon your head. Your ashy skin is cold like stone, don’t leave me here to die alone. My soul will bleed and leave a stain if I can’t strengthen and sustain. I’m fragile like a rose that’s blown, don’t leave me here to die alone. Our formula for life wasn’t death, I close my eyes and quench my breath and risk my heart for love I’ve known,  don’t leave me here to die alone. Fate has led me without repose, if I can’t pen a rhyme or prose, then I’ll cry tears upon your stone, you left me here to die alone.

Copyright © June 2008 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
I entered a challenge on another poetry sit ( boo hiss) that called for 10 words to be used in a poem. We had to use at least nine of the words. I choose..rose, cold, heart, head, death, fate, formula, bleed, risk. I know the poem is sad but these are not exactly happy words!


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-07-04 23:01:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very unique, and different for you. I like that each verse ends in the same verbiage. Rhyming flows nicely, nothing is forced to fit it - and the sentiments in this poem bring sadness and heartbreak to the reader. Alone - such a desolate feeling - and not easy to describe. Imagery stands out, as the reader can see this piece unfold verse by verse. I wish you well with the challange. You'll have to keep us posted. Great write..... love ya, Deni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-07-04 22:58:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
First of all let me congratulate you for your choice of words in challenge...indeed they are words that are not exactly happy...yet, you have done a wonderful job in penning them as they read quite well, they bring forth images as they too have been created and in many cases memories may be brought back for some. I know it brought me to a lovely lady whom I miss deeply and how very cold she was becoming as she earned her angel wings. She did not want to die alone thus she was surrounded by her family who loved her so.....good use of the rose within the lines for not only the beauty it brings but the dainty parts as well..... Enjoyed the word rhyming and how very personal you made it all blend. Certainly do hope your offering wins in the challenge for this one will make the list for the month. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2008-07-01 01:08:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very interesting prospect and discipline. I get fragility from this poem most of all. Interesting math, too. Most of the lines are 8 syllables and stanzas four lines each. This is violated only twice, but to interesting effect, because the first is the introduction to the death, and the second is the most hopeful line in the poem, with an extra syllable, both mentioning death, and the only lines mentioning death directly. Oddly, this struck out to me more than everything else about the poem, except the profound loneliness of it. All in all, a very disciplined, Saturnian poem, strict, sad, dark and unyielding. 8 is also the number of Saturn. It reminds me in this way to one of the greatest books on Vedic Astrology I have ever read, and the introduction to the book is one of the best statements on the value of myth I have ever read. it's called "The Greatness of Saturn". Interesting and amazing metaphysical implications to this poem, Marilyn, to my Vedic eyes and ears. Om, DurgaDas (Regis)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-06-30 00:21:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Marilyn, Reflections of your heart, of the parting and final call, well done, and yes this struck a cord within me. I can find no nit nor give suggestion, this is one of those that is so personal how can we tamper with what another feels. Lora
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