This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-07-04 22:50:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Blood Melts Like Ice

I won't be here forever. So hate me if you must. Inside my heart will feel that pain, And know that it's unjust. I'll still wake up each morning And name you in a prayer. Instead of feeling angry, I'll simply say I Do Not  Care I'll turn away and remember you, For all the love I gave. It's time for me to think of me, Your love I'll always save.

Copyright © July 2008 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
They say "Blood is thicker than water", but in some family dynamics - it's not always true. Thoughts on why family members don't stop and think, before they hurt those that love them the most.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2008-07-30 20:41:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is stark raw emotion, delivered in stark precise words. The brevity of the lines speaks to the pain - short breaths required. The solitary state of 'I Do Not Care'... is very striking. But you are too nice for this poem... I would not have ended it with 'Your love I'll always save'. Somehow I believe the strength you showed in the rest of the poem should be shouted in the last line. You are a brave woman to have seen this through! Both you and your poem deserve a powerful denouement! Be a David to the Goliath of this pain. You deserve nothing less. Leave your readers cheering!! in admiration Lynda


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2008-07-28 15:46:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Unfortunately, this experience you detail is all to familiar (funny, that word) to this poet. It's interesting to read this now, as I have entered into an experience which after so many years is shifting my awareness of these hurts into something much more useful to me now. I have written about my hurts in some poems about my father and mother posted here, and the aching expressed there has always been open for a solution, a way out of the polarization of thought that leads us to what you are saying now (and Phil Collins says nicely in his song "I Don't Care Anymore", which I listen to when I am pissed off at someone). Still the anger and apathy needed and expressed here I have felt for too too long, so this poem hits me squarely on an emotional level also. Very raw and vulnerable thing to post here, and I appreciate that. I have recently gotten three books that have helped me to gain perspective on family dynamics I grew up with, and I noted that the source of many family ills is the use of control behaviors to mold the behavior of a family member. Understanding this now, I find it easier to grasp what is alive in the person doing the controlling and even the "punishing" behaviors when one doesn't succumb to the control placed upon you. These books are, if you are interested: Compelled to Control, The Control Freak, and If You Had Controlling Parents. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but this was helpful for me, and I wished I had read them a LONG time ago. Om, Regis
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-07-26 16:04:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, Sometimes family want you different than what you are..they expect more from you. They love you but want different. Oh well! We each can only be the best that we can be, no more, no less. Same as them. No one thinks of the unconditional love you've put forth in their effort. I don't actually know the problem but I do know that the more you hold yourself in high esteem the more they will hold you also. The actual problem is that. So the ball passes back into your hands. I know of what I speak, I've lived this.' Good luck... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-07-08 17:15:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni...one can never understand why their family turns on them which hurts to the core. You have limned your feelings very well. I just have a couple of suggestion to tighten this up a bit.... I won't be here forever. (So) hate me if you must. Inside my heart will feel (that) pain, And know that it's unjust. I'll still wake (up) each morning And name you in (a) prayer. Instead of feeling angry, I'll simply say I..........................I like the way you wrote these four words. Lends more power to your emotions Do Not Care I'll turn away and remember you, For all the love I gave. It's time for me to think of me, Your love I'll always save......good ending. Hugs....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-07-08 14:47:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
My dear, I see growth here. And it couldn't come to a more deserving person. Family, a concept we like to think about in terms of ideal...but seldom do ideals actually have anything to do with the fact. No one will take greater license with your privacy than relatives; they will do things to you they wouldn't dare to others out of fear of the consequence. And they will be the last to give you credit...almost always tending to be more in competition than well-wishing. Yep, my dear, I love your jab at the old and muchly overrated adage, "blood is thicker than water". So is shit. Let's go follow some windy shoreline now and do a little beachcombing. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-07-07 11:35:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Really enjoyed this one, can totally empathize with what you are saying. Odd how you see a totally different side of people during a traumatic event or death. I'm going to copy your poem and when one of those embasilic entities rises it's head in my family I'm going to send them a copy of your poem. Thanks for sharing, you are spot on with what you've shared with us. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-07-05 21:50:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
We have all been in a situation similar to your presentation.......indeed, blood is thicker than water but water spills over faster and harsher in many cases.....your words flow as your heart describes what it feels and how you still hold this someone in your thoughts and prayers, how turning away might hurt and for no good reason.....yet I am happy to see that you know you must think of yourself first.......and more often then not these twists and turns we take will bring us safely home. You are in my thoughts and my prayers and never forget you are NO 1 and very important too. God Bless, Claire
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