This Poem was Submitted By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2008-08-13 12:37:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Woman in the Garden

It was the tree I wished to conquer. The apple was incidental. Who knew that justice flowed to every branch? The serpent lied. They always do and we believe them in spite of their sibilance. I will return the apple minus one bite. (The man never tasted knowledge, no matter what he says.) You shouldn't cast him out. He will surely lose his way.

Copyright © August 2008 Gene Dixon


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-09-02 19:56:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gene, I'm impressed with this 'Adam/Eve' idea and the tree of evil snake! Interesting you writing as the women. And the closing line.....man will surely lose his way. Which man and women have positively lost their way according to the times and circumstance. There is so much that could be said of this bible story. Good job, flowed well, very enjoyable and thought filled. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2008-08-19 12:52:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
i love this one. eve speaking on behalf of all women? or perhaps presenting an explanation of sorts. i find the first and last stanzas to hold the true power of this piece. the second stanza seems out of place almost as if it needn't be included. i'm sure however it is my own ignorance or blindness that hides its true significance. this is by far one of the most thought-provoking pieces i've read in a long time. look forward to more of your work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-08-18 15:56:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Gene...it is always refreshing to read one of your poems. So many just write words because they sound good but without reason. I belong to a couple of other poetry sites (boo hiss) and I am amazed how many just put words together and call it poetry. I had to smile at your last two lines. My husband would never admit he was lost and if he was it was me who had to ask for directions! Great poem...keep them coming.....M.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-08-18 09:06:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gino, You've been promoted, and are now part Italian. You're welcome. Now give me back some brogue so I can sing of leperchans and those knobby, clubby walking sticks. Then tell me how to spell the little guys and what you call those knobby, clubby walking sticks. And send me back a Guiness. Quick. A Yeungling will do. MSS PS - Did you have in mind Hart Crane's poem, "Garden Abstract"? This poem has a certain Indian (American) wisdom.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-08-13 22:36:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poignance won of simplicity, an elegance all its own. Too many times challenge overcompensates; here it derives its strength from cool understatement. And interesting lines in, "Who knew that justice/flowed to every branch", one that reflects a depth to the lines before in creating an image sustaining unto the Tree of Life that goes vastly beyond purely Christian reference. The following verse attests the feminine mystique women retain in aloofness to all men but in subtle undertone well advised (again in "coolness") and in "sibilance" with "serpent". Again, much deeper into the past than could be the purely Christian frame of reference, closer to that of a belief system viewing women far differently than men. So that instead of "them" it is only "him" that shouldn' be cast out. Yes, but much more explicacion de text and I could not pronounce agreement without the outcries attendant to penetrating truth. So I discreetly stop and leave the women to, "...come and go/Talking of Michelangelo". ..."The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T. S. Eliot Or more simply put inconsequence only slightly sublimated by cunning. Yes. In a way I wish we didn't have to share this with others. JCH
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