This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2008-09-05 23:53:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Kiss on the Wind I woke up smiling
catching a whisker of death
as it brushes my cheek
alive again, my mind cries to you
with it's last breath
still in the twilight of sleep
the sated soft touch I intend
feels so very deep
this is not like the other times
I have wistfully wanted to pretend
that I lay on my side
spooned in from behind
the warmth and soft of you
I breath in
or those times when
I lay in the silence of a day new
and watch my love silently flow
in and out of you
our breath together
like a baby and it's mother
so I awake to this state
in between
I awake now to this fate
seldom seen
and with my words that miss
I blow a kiss
across a day a month a week
I awake now and blow you a kiss
to Delhi, Leh, or Amritsar
on the cheek
from afar |
|
Copyright © September 2008 Regis L Chapman
Additional Notes:
This is a more direct longing toward my love, long absent from me physically, and longer still to come, but in my heart I hold her close.
Om,
DurgaDas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-10-04 00:28:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Regis,
I like the flow, the rhyme is perfect and subtle. The length/great. the sweet longings and missing
your 'love'. again you are very blessed.
Being one like mother and child was interesting. Nothing could be closer.
It really shows oneness.
Lovely job Regis,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-09-12 13:32:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Regis,
There is a moment in this poem where you become a genuine poet maker: "across a day a month a week." Form meeting meaning. Much of the rest is just a spilling, a spilling of something of value, which just heightens - for me - that sacrilege of the toppling glass.
We have to approach each other here genuinely. Which means not critiquing with savagery because the poet we are critiquing made a negative comment about a poem we made, and not critiquing too "nicely" because the poet whom we are critiquing had some nice things to say about a poem of ours. I tend to think true candor has been stifled here out of the fear of reprisal for a negative, out of fear that one's own poem will be scrutinize with the intent of reprisal. Of course, being genuine also requires being positive when the poem in questions warrant it - without the baggage of past critiques received, past critiques given shaping the critique. We are feeling our way here. Again.
We must begin from the core of ourselves and be relevant, have something to say. But that is a beginning. Then we have to say it with the same difference, the same distinction, that is contained in the message. We must begin with relevance - as JCH has finally drummed into me - but then the real battle of making something of distinction begins. I think Mother Relevance has her own internal form, a dynamic of truth that assists the form. But we still must work and craft, not fall asleep at the task. Life gives us the stuff to put in the glass, but we still have to raise it to the lips - we have to successfully use our hands if we want to be poets.
I'd love to know what you read, how you read. It's not the volume. One could only read Shakespeare - or any great, genuine poet to whom one is akin - and take away everything one needs to know about the craft to be a poet. Just bring the spark God gave you to a genuine reading of something of real value, and learn how to read it. All of my deep and serious reading has been of Hart Crane's "Voyages" for the last month, and nothing else in the way deep reading requires - making it part of me, being educated by it, being transformed by it. What are you reading, and how are you reading it?
I wonder because . . . are you trying to turn that capacious soul into the maker called a poet? Are you trying to raise the glass to your lips? Because I see you spilling the precious ointment here.
If that's all you want to do, spill it . . . I apologize, and won't bother you further. Our last exchange makes me think not.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-09-10 00:53:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kiss on the Wind...beautiful title for a beautiful presentation. You certainly have a flare for words where your love is involved poet and this is no exception.......be well, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-09-08 16:11:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Regis....This is a stunning poem...one of the best love poems you have written. There are some scattered end rhymes which I imagine are not intentional but they work well. You have written this without punctuation and have done a good job of that plus the enjambments. I enjoyed this well written poem....M.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-09-06 11:33:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Regis, This is so touching. You have captured the essence of real love, everlasting love - and have
written with great passion the feelings that come with a relationship - that is the right one.
Imagery is very good - mingled with emotions of sensual moments, the moments worth living for;
the calm serenity of being with someone you love and adore.
I see no flaws in this write - just a verbal post on some very intense feelings, that
pull together everything the reader needs; to understand the sentiments behind your words.
Good luck, good write,
Denimari
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