This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-09-08 16:14:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Drops of Dusk

With sweeps of His divine and fluid brush, He paints the land with shades of light and dark. A dab of amber falls on shores and blush the straying sand with strokes of ember’s arc. His palette paints the changing season’s tint, where lofty leaves and rowdy flowers keep the ardent sun of rays that hold their glint before the hues of night unfold its sleep. The heavens cradle earth, His canvas lives in splendor’s gift from seas to mountain’s crest. Between the drops of dusk a shadow gives and stars with sapphire light that He has blessed, they’ll decorate the sky where rainbows kissed beneath the clouds of rain and morning mist.

Copyright © September 2008 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-10-07 17:00:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Very nice, almost holy. rhymes and tempo good/actually great. Don't know how I missed this one. Better than I'm weARy. dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-09-14 22:54:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn, WOW ! A delicious rhyming treat of eye-candy in words to greet me at dusk under the weight of a stressed mind...perfect retreat for traveling minds. I love the imagery - full of color ...fine alliteration too - 'the straying sand with strokes of ember’s arc' - this line rolls along the tongue... I dont want to present this as the ever so unpopular fluff critique but have nothing to add that would enhance what is, in my opinion, one of your best poems till date. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-09-13 22:23:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, You have become quite the sonneteer (sp), and I so enjoy the measure of your work from the discription to the delicate cadence that wraps so easily around the mind and speach as read aloud. I applaud you and admire your ability with the written word, should I be so blessed to follow suite. Best, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-09-11 15:48:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, You have really honed your writing skills; especially where imagery is concerned - this is lush, with bold pictures that jump out of the write into the readers mind. Very good piece of writing; with more than a casual critique - to give credit to what you have written. I'm in awe - of this poem - gorgeous and meaningful - There were a few things I noticed - that could be changed, although not make much of a difference in the read. See what you think. With sweeps of His divine and fluid brush, He paints the land with shades of light and dark. A dab of amber falls on shores and blush - A dab of amber falls on shores with blush the straying sand with strokes of ember’s arc. - the straying sand and strokes of embers arc. His palette paints the changing season’s tint, where lofty leaves and rowdy flowers keep the ardent sun of rays that hold their glint before the hues of night unfold its sleep. The heavens cradle earth, His canvas lives in splendor’s gift from seas to mountain’s crest. Between the drops of dusk a shadow gives and stars with sapphire light that He has blessed, they’ll decorate the sky where rainbows kissed - beneath the clouds of rain and morning mist. Ha, I know just two words - but I had to say something.......(Smile) Best to you with this, love Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-09-11 09:27:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Having a natural inclination toward ornate and wonderfully "stuffed" Elizabethan type verbiage - Marlowe, Shakespeare, Hart Crane (their descendant who used such ornateness to express his genuine and fresh, very "modern" and Romantic vision, genius that he was) - I of course like this. Say it out loud, like Shakespeare, Marlowe, and Crane - the mouth is engaged in almost sexual activity. Looking at other inclinations of mine, I change the analogy and say this is definitely a redhead or a blonde (smile). But before you get too swelled, this is not a Shakespearean, Marlowian, or Cranian redhead or blonde. Not by a longshot. But it is a redhead or a blonde. :) Having said this, you are at your best when you harness your natural inclination to such Elizabethan type expression (which we share) to looser forms, shorter lines - as in last month's "Whispers." The restraint of the different, simpler form takes the tendency and saves it from excess, which is indulged here. Sometimes our best voice is expressed when we move a bit away from the style/form we love, and we must become fully ourselves, and not the writer's we cherish. Thus, I'm at my best in free verse, using a Whitmanian type of long, freer line, and not writing the iambic pentameter with the fixed forms that S, M and C utilized so well. Consider. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-09-10 00:35:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Perfectly penned poet, beautifully worded, filled with images only He could create with the flow of your pen. The season changes once more and with it brings forth such beauty for all to enjoy. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
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