This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2008-09-24 00:23:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Fallen

You had the view that flesh  is just a star’s cast-off air,  just unlucky enough by clumping chance  to be heir to sharp awareness  of its fallen nature. You loathed the catholic star that dropped you naked where these wild things are, the savage heart, the unarising peace. You did find a cure for these, not  in coke, in mind-arranging smoke or professional mechanics of the mind, but in a rope, one in nature with the father— with the sun—that let you fall back to the eternity behind it all. Your body knew nothing of this.  Your soul, that dark ambassador,  the freight you couldn’t carry, withheld its conclusion to itself until your brothers found your dust just where you instructed them to find it all, unburdened of that murderous soul become a Djinn, exploding in the bottle of the self.

Copyright © September 2008 Mark Andrew Hislop

Additional Notes:
In memory of Michael Mercurio. Djinn: In Persian and Mohammedan mythology, the Djinns were created 2000 years before Adam, but sinned against God and were degraded from their original high estate. The greatest among them was Eblis, cast out by Allah for refusing to worship Adam.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-10-06 00:21:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very profound, and informational write Mark. I've not studied what you wrote about; nor know anything about this Persian myth. What I do know; is that this is a classic poem - written with out faltering; hesitation and inspiring thoughts. Deep thoughts that stir the concious of the reader - enlighten the soul - and evaluate - religion on different terms. Wonderful; I completely enjoyed this read.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-10-05 23:00:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, Of course this is really good. You are always real, unpretentious-ness. I like your scattered rhyme. your wonderful flow from stanza to stanza, deep thoughtful ideas. Anything I could say would not make a difference. Good is good, live with it! I just like a comment as a response no matter how little..... I feel like your unhappy! Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-09-26 17:24:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Hi Mark...first of all I have never heard of Djinn, which puts me at a disadvantage as I attempt to critique this poem. Having said that I find the words haunting and compelling...I have read it several times over the past two days. If you were anyone else and not such an accomplished poet I would say you used the word 'just' twice in the first strophe! (smile) But in your case who cares? You have a couple of end rhymes that serve to move the poem down the page with ease. I have tried to pick my favorite strophe or phrase without any luck so let it suffice to say I like the poem for the reasons I stated and much more. Hugs....Mazza
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-09-24 20:10:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Mark, Here be your first "fluff" of the month....I adore this, simply wonderful...glided through your easy meter and bended around the subtle rhymes. Seriously, the style, verbiage leave deep impressions on the mind and while this is a many layered offering your presentation makes it sing in my mind. Spoken aloud it is delicious to read and let it lay on the tongue while contemplating the drift of your words. My favorite lines have to be:You did find a cure for these, not in coke, in mind-arranging smoke or professional mechanics of the mind No quick fix is offerred in your penning...provocative resonsibility for misdeads/ accountability...ney, I find few who will own that one even in the smallest.. Unfortunately in the end I find sympathy for the Djinns...they weren't all wrong in their assesments... I very much emjoyed reading this work and know I've not done you justice with this review however my mind is on overload with all the images you've provided. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-09-24 09:40:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH, you have a way with meter and an ear for the many aspects rhyme can take with it. Few poems I've read online match this one's agreement with both. As a reader searches for the meaning behind the written word, contrivance is of little benefit to either that pursuit or to any appreciation of the craft...inspite of all those shrieking otherwise. Only extra-sensory elements striking a poet on occasion(the Muse)afford us mere mortals any such closer aspiration with the exalted. Perhaps the extra push of reverence, personal beliefs, ragged experience in life... or some just plain intense sense of empathy produce this. Perhaps. "To be heir to sharp awareness"; the whole of the verse, "the savage heart, the unarising peace./You did not find a cure for these not/in coke, not in mind-arranging smoke", are so inspired. Elegant even more for NOT being in competition with your other lines, though by no means are those others not of poetic quality. Personally, I don't like the view that crafting words together is the poet's lot. Eventually things come to the studious of their own and such "agreements" with meaning and how the words come about to enhance them are more natural than this describes. Sometimes there are those born as prodigy, although we haven't seen this in a poet in quite some time. Maybe the potential ones are being caught up in something else before finding such genius in themselves...video games, computer virus creation...who knows? It might even be in you. Now that you're free to explore for it more so... Just don't latch on to another crutch-to-bear for the mundane before you have a chance to find out.
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