This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-07 18:29:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Comings and Goings

Seismic tremors shook man  From earth and stability  Into the oceans of lost Cheaply held, was life’s value Everything we knew was our due  In smugness we lived invincibly  Wallowed in the mud of pretense Tiny specks of futile wastrels Piled as junk in humanities survival Thinking, stinking, as if pleasures  Be the only motivation to exist We putrefied in our weariness In truth we knew corruption Upheaval was the means of change Transformation of breath  Could easily connote our death Believing to be powerless We sat as still as petrified rocks... Courage is a testing doctrine.

Copyright © December 2008 Dellena Rovito

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-01-06 16:50:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dellena, Great last line. Frameable. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2008-12-27 11:24:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, this might easily be the best piece I have read of yours. I will have to admit, from the beginning, I can only surmise what it directly pertains to. From that premise, as always, I will begin. I will begin with “knew corruption” and “testing doctrine”. In the “Coming and Going” the allegiances and not, that draw the return, is almost, by definition (religious or not) the description of the human condition. “Cheaply held, was life’s value”. There is a lot of passion in this piece; dark and yet with the last response of hope- that is “Courage”, “testing doctrine”. I guess the corruptible remains redeemable (or your point is that redemption is unattainable since doctrine is always being tested?), either way- the human condition, friend or foe. “Into the oceans of lost”, those moments spent away forgetting that the value resides in those places left behind- and in the leaving we don’t understand that we are not “invincible” away from the collective; ei, love, community, those who seek to remain a part of what is “lost”. The backdoor swipe at community “believing to be powerless, we sat still as petrified rocks” not only those remaining, but those departing when confronted by inevitability of powers redress. Poignant to the point of pain, Bravo. Lastly, the second stanza, there of “junk” “wastrels” “pretense” and oddly “survival”, stands out as the morality play of both the redeemed and the damned. “as if pleasures be”- pointed to the philosophy of both confrontation and retreat. Maybe there are a lot of people/humanity guilty. Yet you end it with hope. I once wrote a simple piece about “Hope being a sometime thing”. Revelation is not always an easy path to redemption. Doctrine has destroyed many who tested it, in very many ways. Dellena, a wonderful display of your craft. The reflection? I’ll apply it to many things beyond TPL. Thanks for sharing a piece that brings thought to pretense.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-12-19 21:07:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena...WOW!! Breathtaking!! And I mean it! I read this piece twice. I so envy (yet, love to read) the imagery you pen. It is so beautiful, I only wish I could master the art. The last stanza was my favorite.. Believing to be powerless We sat as still as petrified rocks.....This I feel could be one to send out to a publisher or two..see what happens. You just may be surprised! Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-12-12 23:06:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, I must say that this is powerful in thought, projection and structure. I love the way it flows - like a charge forward, reminding us and philosophising through each line...You have chosen your words wisely and the hint of rhyme gives it a nice cadence (being a stickler for rhyme myself) Very well done ...one of my favorite pieces from you Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-12-12 19:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The short lines cadence well, like to a beat of the drum signifying a "progress" more mindless than advised or wise. Productive labor certainly does not "putrify" in weariness...but what trades for mankind's presence here certainly has. Indeed "Courage is a testing doctrine", especially where pedantry and inflated esteem bridge with corruption...want a senate seat, how about a handout for producing inferior cars and not policing dealers to back warranties? Well, when we've come to the reduction only telling the truth gets one in trouble...well, the liars migrate north in winter and south in summer. That much is nice. Enjoyed your poem, my dear...brought out my sardonic humor side. JCH
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