This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2008-12-14 17:01:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Bridge of Tears Again It has been nearly a year now
Never to return,it was my vow
Here I am yet once more
Avoiding your trembles and groans
As I tread upon you
The coldness of your steel glows
No matter how silent I might be
This bridge of tears is all too familiar to me
As I look out over your horizon, I drift away
Seeking the past, ignoring the furure
Back to a simpler time
An innocent time,
It seems so clear to me
That I can remember
The rain was tapping against the window pane
And the night was so cold,you came to me
I held you tight,the rain disappeared
Without a word you dried my tears
Who would have believed it?
If I wanted to,I could never be free
Your cold hard steel has me trapped hopelessly
Darkness is approaching,the fireflies are glowing
Growing in brightness
Yet another day has passed
It is time for me to go
And leave
The bridge of tears |
|
Copyright © December 2008 Michael Bird
Additional Notes:
a sequel to two previous poems,"The Bridge of Tears" and "A Toast"
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-01-03 16:06:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Michael,
A sad p9em. Relating a bridge, cold, hard, lifeless to your emotion of pain and missing one you
loved so very much. You are trapped by the emotion of loss. And the bridge is the symbol of hopeless.
I wonder if there is an actual bridge? Could be or not.
I think the tears and sorrow always remain but an acceptance of what 'is' now eventually comes.
It helps a bit.
This loved one will always be. That's a double edged knife.
I wish you well. Writing will serve you well also.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-12-26 18:20:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
As always Michael it is nice to find you posting here at TPL. I do believe that there is yet more within that heart of yours that will burst forth again .....The Bridge of Tears Again is most fitting and very well penned. God Bless you and keep you safe, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-12-22 12:29:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael,
For confessional poetry to have value - aesthetically speaking - it must have something in its imagery, form, voice . . . something to make it stand out. A reader - this one anyway - has little interest in "poetic" unburdenings which are only poetic in appearance, i.e, sharing in the nondescript common denominator of what is accounted for poetry - short lines in apparent poetic arrangement, some metaphor and imagery, rhythm, etc. Thus, I have little interest in this. Of course, the failing my be mine - granted. There may be something technical, some arrangement or formal innovation, that I totally miss. But since formal innovation without imaginative power - a formal innovation that translates into moving the reader where it matters, in their heart or soul - makes poetry merely an arid, higher level of crossword puzzle . . . any such formal innovation you achieve here is for naught, so I miss nothing in missing what may be there.
Not that many that have come and gone take this to heart, but this is the matrix which gives life to this site:
"The Main Goal of The Poetic Link is to provide something for poets that can be found nowhere else! A refuge for young and old, novice and professional alike. It is a meeting place for you to honestly and openly express yourself and derive meaningful feedback from your peers. Rest assured that you will find nothing like this anywhere! ...How can I be so sure of that, you ask? Because only after searching and finding nothing to satisfy me... I decided to create it. This site is not for the faint of heart. You will get honest and sometimes tough critiques of your Poetry; you will learn and you will grow. We have people from every level of achievement here so you will glean many different viewpoints on your work from your peers. You will be able to teach, and if you have an open mind, you will most certainly be taught. But most importantly... you will grow! The submission fee is a small price to pay for the invaluable knowledge you will gain from submitting your work here. The prizes are just the icing on the cake. Read some of our poems, taking note of their critiques, and you will see for yourself just how much you can gain from joining this community!"
You will find this on the main page of this site. Take note. This is the best part: "You will get honest and sometimes tough critiques of your Poetry; you will learn and you will grow."
Well, I gave you an honest and tough critique. The growth is up to you.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-12-19 03:16:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Michael, This reads so beautifully! And I love your title "The Bridge of Tears" Breathtaking!! I can relate to the words you have penned here, especially Seeking the past, ignoring the furure, Back to a simpler time
these words I guess can read for just about everyone in different times. I really enjoyed reading your poem!
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-12-14 21:37:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Michael,
Where have you been? Good to see you around and hope you stick around for longer.
This piece has a strong emotional current running through it. I would say that verse 4 is the stronger of the verses...as there is more imagery to deal with - the cold hard steel, the approaching night, the fireflies..
My suggestion would be to trim this down and show the reader (with more imagery), your state of mind. Reach out for the unique - for example how can you show us that darkness is approaching without telling us that darkness is approaching? How can u capture the glowing of the fireflies without just telling us that the fireflies are glowing ex - fireflies like glowing orbs in the grass ...Allowing your reader to discover the heart of your peice would enhance its engagement levels.
Hope this helps !
Duane.
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