This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2008-12-23 16:04:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
i held my breath to hear
as December
hymns her chorus
an ever-green doorkeeper;
ivy clings close
against cold cottage sill
merrily dressed in twinkles
roasted apples’ aroma
sweetens bitter air -
a glass of spiced wine
paints colorful rouge
moon entwines her fingers
through sleeping wood
thrumming noble harp strings
of wizened bare limbs
night bird sings secrets
to rimed winter’s wreath
frozen clouds carol across
mountain meadow floor -
crystal white silence
chases closely behind
icy stars
fall quiet on my tongue
…and i breathe
~ |
|
Copyright © December 2008 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Happy Holidays All :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-01-06 16:55:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Mary,
I'll admit I have trouble connecting with your style. It's like concept painting. Poetry as collage, or mosaic. My deficiency. Sorry. You need to follow your muse, even if it leaves some of us lagging behind. Lead, always lead.
Glad to see you back here.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2008-12-28 13:28:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, how often have I stood with my breath held to hear the spark of the world. You have captured the moment with delight.
Your use of “song†for the season sets your stage and continuity “December hymns her chorusâ€, and “frozen clouds carolâ€. There is a special visual when melody is added (a silent melody considering the sound of the season).
In stanza to I’d probably change “an ever-green doorkeeper†to “the ever-green doorkeeper†because I cannot think of another common growth that would serve such an austere service. It doesn’t detract from you piece, but would add uniqueness to the phrase. Great phrase by the way!!
I wanted to walk in the door and breathe in the apple scent, sit in the warmth an imbibe a glass of wine. All images, warming and universal; in a fashion, the season also reflects a universality for those willing to hear it. We are goal oriented in that task.
With the uncluttered bird calls, your line “winter’s wreath†and “crystal white silence†are a endearing and poignant as one will find. You set a stage as well as you probably set a table.
“Icy stars†what a marvelous image, “fall quiet on my tongue†once again in terrific lines you have that silent melody that is a crescendo of the heart. Beautiful and enduring images.
Then we breath. Personally, I sat a few more seconds before I decided to leave the vision.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-12-26 18:15:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Happy Holidays to you Mary and may you find the Peace, Love and Joy of Christ within your heart every dy of the year.....What a beautiful Christmas poem you have posted, one that is so welcome and a definite one for sharring. Thank you, be well, looking forward to more of your work. Happy New Year, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-12-24 21:44:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Hello Mary,
Happy holidays to you too ! It is a pleasure to wake up and find this beautiful picture in motion on my computer screen..and now..in my mind.
With wonderful poetic craftsmanship, you have added to the flavor of this season's postings on tpl. The imagery is vivid and the netire piece flows like a celebration of the inherent serenity that surrounds this time of year.
My favorite lines -
moon entwines her fingers
through sleeping wood
thrumming noble harp strings
of wizened bare limbs
Looking forward to more activity on tpl. Thanks for responding to my email and I do hope you are recovering speedily.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-24 20:36:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
Very nice.......Happy Holiday to yo8.
It feels like a cold winters night. Where I live its snowed in cold butit is pretty.
House bound for a week or more and rain? still coming.
Nature in its glory is breath taking, enjoy your harp music and caroling.
It must be ChristmaS.
god bless,
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-12-23 17:49:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ahhh, Mary, you've a fan for sure! Magic dots the landscape and your perception of it misses
none. You have the professional polish as well, and a sense of sensory illusion a child might
have on Christmas Eve. The delicacy you exhibit here is always typical to your work and adds
to it the interest we have to hear someone speaking low.
My favorite line is, "crystal white silence/chases closely behind". It is the winter stillness
those ill-humored find deafening, while those with untroubled thoughts find respite from crowding
(especially from those so ill-humored.)
More beautiful lines in closing, "icy stars/fall quiet on my tongue...and I breathe", that so
suffice the opening, "as December/hymns her chorus". An ambitious start that even got better.
So good to have you back. Merry Christmas.
JCH
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!