To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Across The Sea So many years I walked on by the keys of happiness jingling beside my smile faded and unused in a pocket I stored it in there, then tried to lock it Never completely successful in that task yet I never seemed to see or to ask a heart drowned in the salt water of time a key part of me, locked into rhyme and so.... slowly, I fell silent slowly, I ceased violence slowly, I felt slowly, a heart did melt and a backbeat started off in the distance and the low end came and parted the sea of my childish romance on dry land I walked and I saw real people and they talked! I am alive again, in the eddy that flows between us I stand, my feet apart and ready finally alive and able to trust across this parting of the sea a vision applauded by many a beautiful figure smiling at me on my knees I am, now grateful plenty for just a vision, across a sea now the sea is no longer parted yet to you I walk, and have already started nothing makes a better sidewalk than the sea I once lay at the bottom of now carries me to your shore, safe and warm nothing on this beach doe me harm you and I hand in hand, arm in arm back across the sea |
Additional Notes:
This is an emotional journey.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-02-21 21:46:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Regis,
There is a strong sense of thankfulness, love and satisfaction I sense from this piece which is strong in its ability to emote and express. The final fulfilment of finding all that you dreamed of is a blessing and I'm glad it turned out that way for you.
What I felt as I read on, is that as this poem progressed, the power to keep the reader glued might have eroded a tad bit. Hence, I would suggest shortening this piece to pack in more power. The first verse was a lot more powerful with a tendency towards strong imagery - 'salt water of time'....
Avoid 'hand in hand - arm in arm' and reach for a more unique line.
Good effort here.
Duane.