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This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2009-04-09 22:22:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Green Eyed Lady

Green eyed lady,pretty lady Walking slowly across the floor Green eyed lady,dancing lady Raging waves across the sand Green eyed lady,ocean lady Cloaked in love,she lives her life so free Like setting suns.... And lonely lovers dreams Green eyed lady,passion lady Love like I`ve never see She rules the night,the waves and sand Soothing every raging storm that comes Green eyed lady,pretty lady Child of nature... She lives her life so free Cloaked in love.... And lonely lovers dreams

Additional Notes:
For Sarah B. you inspired me to write this.I couldn't help but think of "Green Eyed Lady" by Sugarloaf

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-01 00:09:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Yes, I remember the song Sugarloaf put out - Green Eyed Lady; it was popular back in the day and played well over the radio. This is so much like it; I actually thought I was reading the song..not your own words; until I read your notes on the piece. I would really try to rearrange this piece; so it does not confuse the reader with the song. Green Eyed Lady Green eyed pretty lady Walking across the floor Towards the life she's made her own By raging waves across the shore Green eyed lady ocean baby Cloaked she lives her life so free Sunsets over her mellow days And lonely lovers dreams Green eyed passion lady Yearns to live her life with love She rules the night,the waves and sand Soothing every raging storm from above Green eyed gorgeous lady With nature her inner child lives her life so free Cloaked in love With lonely lovers dreams A few changes here & there to separate it from the original song - Hope you don't mind, blessings, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-20 13:47:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael, I applaud your efforts, however....and it is a big however; you ran your words so close to the song that I had to listen to the original so that I could tell the difference...(by the way-The Guess Who- I believe were the first with the song--back in the 60's)anyway, my point is when something like this runs so close to the original it is hard to devine inspiration from plagerism...not to imply that you plagerize; but you come very close to crossing the line. It is not hard to like something that has already been done and mimic so very well by another....so please keep that in mind when your writing. It is a nice write to present to a love/crush interest but I would not enter it persay into a contest. Just my two cents worth, and at that I was hesitant at telling you but feel it is better to be honest with one than to smooze you. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-19 20:29:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like the rhymes , this reminds me of my poems, it tells a story, makes sense and is relatable, the only problem I see is this line "Love like Iâ€™ve never see" see should be seen I love the repetition of green eyed lady, and then the descriptions of the lady at the end of the sentences, very good, could have added one or two more stanzas, if you were to change anything I would make the 2nd or 3rd stanza similar to the first in style and repetition to keep the same flow, I also like the â€¦.. ellipses, I used to use them in some of my old poems, Overall very good

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-04-11 23:06:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Michael, Poetry is the ideal medium to express our feelings and you have done so here in appreciating your green eyed lady. I was wondering if you would now like to set your poetic journey a sense of direction. You might want to ask youself, " Do I write simply to create an outlet or vent for feelings" or " do I write because I see this as a craft that can be developed"...OR BOTH. I was also wanting to know if you do attempt to employ the feedback you are provided by those who critique your poems? Can you show us examples where you have put feedback into practise? Duane.

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