This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2009-04-09 22:33:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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In Dreams At night I sleep alone
That's when you come to me
I close my eyes and drift away
To that magic place of dreams
Dreaming my dreams of you
In dreams I walk with you
In dreams I talk to you
Dreams
Beautiful dreams
You come running into my arms
We embrace each other
Kiss a lovers kiss
Dance among the stars
And do all the things that lovers do
In dreams
Beautiful dreams
Just before the dawn I awake
And you are gone
Away from the place of magical dreams
Beautiful dreams
I can't help it,it hurts to cry
I remember you said goodbye
Its too bad all these things only happen
In my dreams
In dreams your mine
In dreams
Beautiful dreams |
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Copyright © April 2009 Michael Bird
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-20 22:37:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael,
Here we go again....I like Roy Orbison's version better....
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-19 20:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A very good visual and moving poem, I like the rhyme and the breaks of formality, dreams are a great subject and something everyone can relate to, I like the descriptions and the flow, to change a poem is to write another, but if you wanted to change anything, you could add more rhymes, longer sentences and paragraphs or just tweak the small ones a little, sometimes more is better and sometimes less is even better, if this were mine I wouldn’t change anything
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-04-18 23:38:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Michael,
"It's too bad..all these things only happen in my dreams" - powerful thought and this should serve as the pillar of your poem. With a pillar such as this, I would expect the construction to be stronger in temrs of imagery. A critiquer once told me when I first began - " reach out for the unique"..I hope to see a revision of this.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-04-18 00:06:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very sentimental write Michael; it's good we have those dreams, memories that keep lost loved ones alive in our minds, hearts and that we can touch on them at different times. I can relate to this; feel the grief you still have inside & pray for peace of mind; holding onto as many moments of the past with your love as you can.
It's a love letter; that holds deep true passion, love abounds within each verse as you reflect on the past.
It reads well, with a slight exception of the added "in dreams beautiful dreams." My opinion would be to eliminate those to enhance the piece; bring out the best in the write without having the reader pause to read those over.
Aside from those thoughts; I wish you well,
blessings,
Deni
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