This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2009-04-29 15:17:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Blossoms Eye New life beneath naked limbs cuddling
against colds' bite insulations' bark
bare earth broken only by huddling
strands of growth shaking off the dirt and dark
Crawling days left the moment of the leap
all little steps vaporize in the jump
where branches reach up green a tender heap
of animated denizens who stump
upon the ever present now, and then
start becoming where they were shouting it
I, collector and burier till when?
A momentary belly giving fit
gives way to a sweet sun opening full
takes the breathe, leaves the mouth agape in drool |
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Copyright © April 2009 James Edward Schanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-05 10:02:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
I love the title you chose for this poem. The piece is written; simplistic yet holds so much underlying meaning to it. It's very, very good - Starts out strong with the first verse; imagery is perfected here - and anticipation builds up as I read the first verse. The second verse is also flawless - and the structure is appealing as well.
You have shown - a living thing growing in words I've never seen in description before so this poem holds more value -
I'm impressed and pleased to read such a breathtaking piece of art.
Blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-02 02:51:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hello James,
It was a pleasure to read this piece. You lure your reader in by a very unique title ! I relished the imagery and the way this poem flows...often direct rhyme such as bark/dark; jump/stump, etc can appear to be forced or cause a piece to be sing songy but because of your inherent gift of being an accomplished poet, none of that happens here. I would think twice of using this sort of rhyme if I were to sit down to write a piece but in oyur case, it all seems to fit in so naturally. I enjoyed the sun rise in the end and it is only fitting that I get to read this first, this morning.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-01 19:38:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very good, accomplished poem and a, pleased to meet you. Only one suggestion, change "breathe" to
breath and "till" to til. Obviously you're familiar with the elegance poetry can be and perform it.
Your final line has a novelty adding power and a reflection back on the verse before it. Seemingly
abrupt its sublimation of astonishment creates its own imagery. I like the at-first-seeming admixture
of "collector and burier" and find it wonderfully in tone with "animated denizens who stump...". Then
the excellent enjambement.
"Blossoms Eye" is an original and interesting title that creates an expectation of things to come which
you well fulfill.
Looking forward to more of your work.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-30 16:52:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Nice style and flow, good rhymes and structure
I like the lines going in with each sentence
Intriguing and thought provoking
It reminds me of the birth of a child
I don’t know why
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-29 16:54:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hello James,
What a fresh rendering of the season you've given us. Your verbiage with it's colorful discriptions blending natures beauty with it's awesom renual is a delight to read. Your form lends well to the subject of the poem, gives way to the pushing and birth of a new season...no nits from this reader, nothing I would change nor suggest about this accomplished write. Thank you for the chance to read your work.
Best always,]
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-04-29 16:04:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James,
My goodness what a tale of blossoming. Going deep within the interior.
Very different. The every other rhyme is good although
I dislike the drool......a bit not as pretty or miraculous a word as the rest of it.
I'll look at buds differently now but I won't drool too.
Dellena
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