This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-09 23:34:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ne'er Paragon

We are not dusk, Mutually pleasured in all things, Or unified with one belief. We are not one moment of sanity, In screams or dreams of, Night that bewilder the mind. We will not give, Everything away in all ways, Nor touch as one man can. We are never clever at the same time, In per portion to the universe with, Levels of consciousness the same. We are not the end, Nor ever the beginning in life, Or saints to be heard; Humbled with any mans words, Vexed dander’s in violin music Screeching to the highest pentacle. We are;  Very rare, Fairly tolerable melodies of songs that bring life to the world.

Copyright © May 2009 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-02 16:56:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
DeniMari, Sounds like a women to me. Humble, It is neat to be so similar and yet so different. Noone is alike. But I'll bet compared to the many we will find some pretty close matches. So we are rare and not at the same time. It is a paradigm also. We are not fully all things listed and yet partially or somtimes we are...... I've pushed myself into a corner! Good thoughts. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-17 23:31:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, Indeed we are far from perfect and uniquely bring our identities and charachter to this life. We were never meant to be perfect in any way but to test oursleves to eventually achieve that state. And yes, centuries have proven that we are in essence very tolderable. Another nice read full of philosophical musing. I beleive JCH has already pointed out the spelling nits, hence the revision. This was interesting and enhances the process of self-discovery. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-17 08:51:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
But one suggestion, to change "In per portion" to in proportion, and "pentacle" to pinnacle. Carrying an illusion throughout a longer poem without resorting to refrain is difficult, at best. But then if we observe that illusion is about something so multi-faceted as humanity-at-large or, as I prefer, womanhood (I never tire of discussing that mystery,)it can carry itself with your talent. Juxtaposing "we are not" with what "we are" has the kaleidoscopic effect of contrast, enriching your imagery and the unified illusion. My favorite line is, since I'm so fond of the magical instrument that is the violin in well-placed hands, "Vexed dander's in violin music/Screeching to the highest pentacle (pinnacle.)" To ultimately parallel your illusion with simile in the final unifying line (of what we are) and that reflecting back on music, is wonderful and serves the device you've made of illusion beautiful. Just a little trimming around the edges and this poem sings. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-05-14 14:58:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, I think this is one of your best, unique verbiage in an easy flowing write that even in it's poignancy and the many layers left to ponder; leaves a gentle feeling in spirit and a nodd of understanding and agreement. Bravo, dropping a red rose at your feet... Lora
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