This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-16 14:42:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Heal - To Trust Is Bliss

Dark shadows; Minute figments timed with split imagination, Where the mind needs to rise higher, believe and breathe in, Then leave before passion is robbed from your soul forever. One circle connects to another on and on. Dancing 'neath low stills the band for life's background music, Where you cradle your weary thoughts ending the climax, Before you come to enjoy existence in natural essence. The ultimate in life is flying over fires from hell  Torching rebelled bridges you’ve crossed Stealing dead spirit from awakening From a temporary pit stop that tomorrow's unseen will be. If you rush to meet the sun with courage, A heavenly shield built to climb ivy will grow tall,  Free burdens â€˜till figments are dead, scarce and small.

Copyright © May 2009 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-02 17:55:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
DeniMari, I think you 'got' it! As to fully living courage, it is difficult but is possible. You should frame this to be read whenever it proves necessary. You have flown over some fires from hell and you are coming full circle into your own. That is parts of the graces you receive for the price of the negative misery. Thank you for sharing your growth. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-29 12:05:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Interesting poetic language and interesting imagery, DeniMari, but, like a treatment of metaphysics, too removed from that which any immediate sharing of experience is allowed. That could be obtained by relief, at least to bring something in of more personal down-to-earth telling, even some literal example, either of yours or anothers, moving the reader more to an empathetic read than one of discourse. Else we just say, yep, you could look at it that way...instead of something coming to cradle in the soul. Take these fine euphemisms, methapors and illusions, perhaps more sparingly, and give them the impact of personal experience...not just attitude, in other words. And you will have a powerful poem. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-05-17 09:55:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, not quite sure if the title is working for me...now mind you I’m only making suggestions and I will try to do so honestly and delicately...for they are only suggestions and my opinions. I feel this is a very energetic undertaking and I know it is a heart felt writing. It might just be my mind-set at this time but I did find a few places where I stumbled even though I always enjoy your unique turn of a phrase. I’m not sure the title is working for me, possibly just the “Heal” or “Trust is Bliss” or “Trusting Bliss” would work better.. First, you don’t need to capitalize the first letter of every line; it tends to be distracting. You don’t need to use commas and periods at the end of each because your line breaks and stanza breaks denote what you want your reader to do, pause or halt. Such as: Dark shadows minute figments timed with split imagination..... in this you build a more intense and intimate feeling—just an example: Dark shadows[;] Minute figments timed with split imagination, Where the mind needs to rise higher, believe and breathe in, Then leave before passion is robbed from your soul forever. One circle connects to another on and on. Dancing 'neath low stills the band for life's background music, [I’m not quite sure what your intent or meaning is in this phrase... it left me scratching at my head and puzzled.] Where you cradle your weary thoughts ending the climax, Before you come to enjoy existence in natural essence. The ultimate in life is flying over fires from hell Torching rebelled bridges you’ve crossed Stealing dead spirit from awakening [From] a temporary pit stop that tomorrow's unseen will be. [cut the word “From”] If you rush to meet the sun with courage, A heavenly shield built to climb ivy will grow tall, Free burdens ‘till figments are dead, scarce and small. Nice feeling and content and one that should leave an imprint...for me you just need to tighten this up a bit, your spirit shines through.. TC Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-17 02:11:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, This is one of the BEST of yours that I have read...if not THE BEST. Why this worked so well for me is that it all seemed so natural and spontaneous and seemed to break away from the shackles of the form you've been experimenting with lately. This flowed like a waterfall of encouragement. I can surely use some. The images were not common. They carried weight - life's background music and its band, the cradle of thought, flying over fires from hell, the rebelled bridges, the shield built to clibm ivy.. I loved this. It is philosophically rich and well penned. Definteily on my list and I'm sure this will rank very high :-) Duane.
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