This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-17 21:34:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Squatter Possum hide beneath the deck
Dirty beige and hissing
Skulking travel under
Night's deep dark cover
On the fence I've seen you
An in my face scum
I'm undone by size and force
I'll cease to acknowledge you
Perhaps then you'll be gone
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Copyright © June 2009 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-07-07 15:45:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Only when I read Mark's voting choices did I realize I had missed this poem. I feel, since I've already
declared my vote, somewhat obliged to keep to it, but I would, of course, have given far more favor to this one than I had some others in my own voting.
It would please me, Dellena, if you would repost it this month. Then I will give my best effort at a
critque and the voting weight it deserves.
In the mean time please accept my apology for being so remiss.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-06-27 11:02:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
This one leaps out to me above your more recent offerings. Perhaps the brevity of the structure causes you to concentrate your imagery and let that speak rather than your point.
Power, power, power. Presence. Something modern poetry shuns in the great levelling, when everyone's a bard! This has power and presence. And not in small part because it pays no heed to the powers that be - in terms of how to compose.
I like this: you and that possum on a adventure into your soul.
Very good, Dellena.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-06-20 23:19:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
This could be literal and densely symbolic (the haunting of a lover/ an object of hate - could be a person, situation or thing). I like how you've mixed visuals and sonics in this piece and have made more detailed comments below -
Possum hide (s) beneath the deck
Dirty beige and hissing --- liked the color and sound mixture here
Skulking travel under (a little lost here)
Night's deep dark cover -- this adds to the piece by enhancing the setting -- but would recommend a fresher way of saying it.
On the fence I've seen you
An(d) in my face scum -- hard hitting
I'm undone by size and force
I'll cease to acknowledge you --- I like the finality of the ending.
Perhaps then you'll be gone --- indeed...at times it is best to ingore.
With some tweaking, much can be made of this interesting piece :-)
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-06-19 08:59:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dellena,
I take you abhore the creatures...your point was quite clear. Sorry if your having a possum problem, we seem to have a lot of them here, see them on the road-splat, still hard since they are one of the earth's creature-I'm sure they serve a purpose just as spiders do but I abhore spiders..so LOL. You said a lot in a very few words and you definitely made your point...now perhaps he'll be gone..
L
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