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Rainbow Blues Why do colors of life change yet stay the same? Rough patches only scratch the surface of life. What’s above, underneath and around are lucky stars caught to fulfill dreams. There is no "LIFE" courtesy counter, to approach with a complaint. "My life does not suit me.†"Can I slide to the other world, come back and do it over again"? In a sense of accepting less is more rush by red flags & salute keep running instead of holding fragments crumbled in your hands To quietly drift past the deepest patch simply painting black & white rainbows in the sand. |
Additional Notes:
Very old post - 5 yrs ago; reworked, all thoughts welcomed.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-07-05 01:33:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thoughtful and compelling but full sentences far too much like an essay. Try and draw the start of meanings
but allow images to complete them. As you work towards the ending of the poem you seem to realize this more
but still you have a way to go. The best line, "instead of holding fragments crumbled in your hands" is
pure poetic language and succeeds for having such deep and rich inference.
"In a sense of accepting less is more" is far too discursive and your reader will suppose a lecture is
coming instead of an approach through the senses, with meanings struck newly.
Rewrite and I'm certain you'll obtain beauty.
JCH