This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-22 21:12:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Subject To Each day's a start again
To begin once more
To be better than
I was the day before
If I don't take a leap
If I do not try
How can I succeed?
Attempt will surely die
If the spirit gets lost
Comfort blanket wins
Habits fare better
Potential isn't in
When I live trivial
If I've never soared
How do I create
Excitement evermore?
When I’m covered in fear
Scared to take a risk
What can I expect
If I chance the abyss?
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Copyright © June 2009 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-07-04 09:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wisdom gains this poem all of it's power - it's so true; encouraging write; inspirational that others can find peace from reading this very well structured; insightful poem. Yes; when the spirit is lost - it stalls the growth process of the persons life - the idle; wondering what is next - action is necessary; to overcome and you've written this with heartfelt emotion - and clariity - that others can certainly relate to.
Refreshing; and educating - I love it, superb job -
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2009-07-02 21:40:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dellena, the abyss? the unknown? Your 6-5-5-6 meter is interesting; if a difficult structure to write to. I was not sure whether it was a poem of experience, or a poem of prophecy.
I do like the hope, seen; no matter the obstruction. I did wonder what "living trivial" is, but examined myself and assumed it was the "rut" that is so difficult to escape.
A very interesting piece- and of fear; risk and reward- you capture the choice to be made.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-06-25 11:02:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, a minor correction, travail instead of "trivail".
A good and novel title, mindful of the song, Compared to What?.
The process of life, to remain worth living to any cogent thought
of value, must introspect, becoming "Subject To".
A movie I recently viewed presented this, among other things,
incredibly well, The Chumscrubber.
The risks we take to enhance these self-perceptions are to be
carefully gauged. Not every taken in despair or fits of mood.
When reasoned they are the delectible part of life. When not,
they become the bane.
Your poem is a thoughtful excursion into these realities.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-06-22 22:22:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Dellena.
A very motivational piece that uplifts the defeated spirit if the reader. You show here that life does not have a single door that cant be opened into a world of opportunity. I like the message and the sincerity of thought.
The subtle rhyme in risk/abyss...i felt was more creative than the more forced rhyme in the first two verses - before/evermore and try/die. The meter was fine. But then, its the message that speaks out and that serves the purpose of your intent in writing this.
I enjoyed chancing upon this at the end of a 'cloudy' day.
Duane.
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