This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-07-26 23:43:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Y...... Agony....
a dragon clawing along
five fingers or not matters at all when blood aches
Wishing the fire
breath of moments that leave my lips trembling
as light floats beyond the sun
on stones of the dead
When a song reminds me
You’re alive in my head
Escorting time back
Bitter,
love grows by the tears I shed
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Copyright © July 2009 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Appoaching the 2yr mark of the loss of my beautiful son, Chief Shaun R. Powell, Fire/Rescue/EMS of Hope Hose Humane, Bordentown City, NJ. I've yet not healed; and have accepted that perhaps I never will; my heart has been numb since his death - nothing seems to penetrate through. I exist day to day still living; yet not feeling life as it was before his loss. At least this year my daughter Dana; and my three grandsons will be here with me - who I've not seen in 2 years. This is my tribute to Shaun, for he still is alive in my heart.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-08-03 19:19:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Love your poem/hate the title!
light floats beyond the sun
on stones of the dead
nice image making words.
love grows by the tears I shed...........and it never goes.
Lovely,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2009-07-29 09:20:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari,
So sorry for your loss and your right they never leave for they are buried sometimes on the surface of the mind, other times deeper when other love ones are around. The key to being is not what is lost but what was gained when they were here with us. Each memory had a purpose and we grow from it for it was truly a blessing to have experienced it. Each grandchild is special for they are the circle that is part of you so take him with you when enjoying them. Heartache is difficult to deal with and I hope it will dimminish, remember they never leave they are within. Thanks for sharing, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2009-07-28 19:28:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A wonderful tribute to your son, Deni, and done so well poetically. I read that giving images to feelings is therapeutic. If you keep doing this, the process might lead you out of mere existence; and a poem like this one shows it doing so. The first two stanzas are gifted; the title might better be given more meaning to your theme.
It is wonderful to have loved someone. That's one thing the reader sees in this poem and that is how the loss is more deeply significant.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-07-27 00:02:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
I can sense the excruciating pain you must be feeling on reading this piece. I can relate with the darkness within your heart and soul though our situations might be very different.
Your poem is aptly titled ' Y'. It is the universal question suffering asks and indeed, more often than not, the answers fail to satisfy. While there is a larger purpose to why things happen, it isn't easy to understand that when loss is as personal and unexplainable as the loss you felt. Use of 'dragon' imagery, words like 'agony., 'fire', 'bitter'..help enhance your means of conveying your hurt. I found no nots witht he flow. My favorite line (the one with the most impact ) was - 'as light floats beyond the sun on stones of the dead'.
Deep, honest and dark piece.
Duane.
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