This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-09 01:00:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Too Late To Learn

Deafening hum â€“  Supplies the fate of hate Your four corners of material matters  will be folded over your face   Covering material bliss   Sending resentment to eternal home   Your judgment docked forever In ships of wasted moments  Voted by arrogance   Elected by impressions of foolish    thoughts While love was all you ever really needed.

Copyright © August 2009 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-09-05 03:50:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, Once again, this poem, among some of the others is an example of your forward progression in development of strong and original imagery. --Your four corners of material matters will be folded over your face -- very nice line. This poem packs a punch. I found this to be off though - Your judgment docked forever/In ships of wasted moments - in the sense that ships dock (in docks and harbors) so am not too comfortable with anything docking in ships -- though 'ships of wasted moments' is a great line. Very nice read. Duane.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2009-08-13 15:38:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, The last line of the poem seems unrelated to the rest of the poem, kind of a pop-song ending (John Lennon -'All You Need is Love'); to what reads at first as serious political commentary [political? because of your use of teminology: 'elected', 'voted']. You have given 'hate' plenty of context in the poem, do the same with 'love', and the poem would be far more successful; at least there'd be some justification for your last line. Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lisa Ann Bauer On Date: 2009-08-12 23:15:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I have no clue. Anger? Resentment? Lack of voice? Sorry. I missed your message.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-08-11 12:29:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Using the cultural matrix: Lennon's "All you need is love." Very good. Like the sudden emergence of such a defined metaphor, "ships," in the sea of abstraction, though subtly introduced by "docked." Content is very important in poetry. If you don't have something to say, who cares? I note that because my comments are limited to form, to let you know I'm not depreciating the more important category of content, and in no why to imply you're not giving a lot of content lately. Indeed, you are. Another good poem. Mark
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