Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-17 00:55:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

View In Your Eyes

Random faces flash by with tight laces Afraid to look up and smile Inside their vests tangled knots of fear a stranger may say hello, "Hello" they don't care to hear. We are visable We are seen We are not illusions swaying down the road in a dream. We are here, But.... not noticed is obviously clear. Perhaps a suit of dollar bills, or fame dressed up in light would make these people take a glance and see us in full sight.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-09-07 00:26:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Don't let anyone tell you that you can't quite properly arrange your verse anyway that implements or enhances the read. And you exploit this well. Good title, with meaning reflected back on it. The slams you take at materialism wrapped in dress are excellent. Your logical perplexity found in the short verse, "We are here, But.../not noticed is/ obviously clear" is quite forgiven as it takes your reader up in the quandary that is appearance versus substance. But what shines and illustrates your talent for lyrical worth is the verse: We are visible We are seen We are not illusions swaying down the road in a dream Excellent and will be in my esteem when I vote. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-09-05 22:38:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, I like this and the theme. Invisible it seems unless you stand out from the crowd. I like that mostly. As I age! But if I want a man's attention that is a different matter. Love this poem Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-01 16:14:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, Ah, here your heart speaks in a childlike voice. This poem is more sustained in its effectiveness, because the heart is the natural home. For some reason, the multiplicity of that "we" and the collective voice you invoke - it reminds me of Plath's poem about mushrooms, mushrooms spawning in abundance, like the meek overtaking the earth. Now I've a hankering to go back and read that poem - thanks. The poem, on the whole, is very unified; its voice sustained. Return to this place, and listen some more. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-09-01 08:36:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni A very strong theme here of the superficiality of ... too many people. There's not much more I feel I can say here because you've presented your ideas very clearly, though I believe the other poem of yours that I responded to today is the stronger of the two. Best wishes Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-08-29 22:37:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, Fame, glory, popularity...indeed, the easiest way to make people sit up and take notice..or else, one is just another many of the thrillion faces..unnoticed, 'un'special. Your poem highlights this well. I still feel though that this can be worked on a little more. I would not recommend the direct and somewhat forced rhyme - 'fear, hear' 'light' 'sight'. Also, re-work the imagery to make it more unique. It becomes even more difficult as this poem has a universal message. Hope all is well. Duane.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!