This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-17 17:58:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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U.S. Hell Is Where Some Dwell Looking down the wishing well for spare change.
"Change", could be the key word
bobbing up and down to rise to prosperity.
The hunt for security beckons
as lifes' lack of defenses climb to monetary decline.
One roof is the poor mans dream
Whose tent is up in the air ready to be pegged down
On unfamiiar ground that's thirsting for green
Green seems to be hiding
in the protection of secured games
if you fail
you're not the poor looser
who can go home, chin up
taste fine wines
slack or ease the fall
Your well has moved desert bound
potential dreams are stuck on stall
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Copyright © August 2009 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Learned today that families are putting up "Tent" cities in a nearby county because they are loosing their homes, due to the decline of our economy. This is the saddest thing I can think of right now - that so many people are feeling a financial crunch and how they are not coping with it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-01 14:56:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
You have a great core here: the pun of "change" and "green." I sense a battle between the poet in you and the person who wants to cry out commentary, without metaphor or the artifice of poetry. As I said, you have an interesting concept for the effectively sustained artifice of poetry, and I think you should rework the poem to go with that idea and work your statement in more poetically.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-08-30 23:01:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
I can understand the dire back ground from which this poem springs. The 'credit' crunch particularly from the murky real estate sector - the sub prime lending fiasco and the rippling effect it had in other areas. The effects can be effect all the way over here in India now that the crises has taken on a global shape. Your imagery in the fourth stanza brilliantly leads us to the heart of this storm - the common man. When will it all blow over? This was a poem that refelcts your awareness and compassion. Never turn a blind eye..thats a strong message for the world today.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2009-08-19 23:43:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
I had heard of this some months ago, outside major U.S. cities. (Canada has too much winter and much lower population, plus better social services, less effected, so far.) I agree with your writing of it, and I am concerned that no mainstream media coverage is being given to this. I also read, that prime mortgages will be next, and those are people who had down-payments and equity in their homes, but because of job loss or medical bills can no longer make their mortgage payments. It is a travesty to empty out houses when people could be allowed to stay, take care of them, and then resume payments based on what income they have, even is it be social services for a time. They are ways Obama could help people, stabilize things until they improve. The rich won't be able to insulate themselves enough from anything, if social infrastructure doesn't hold.
Best line in your poem-"potential dreams stuck on stall".
I've been doing alot of reading on these things, just have no poems come concerning them; perhaps the facts are too stark.
Thanks for posting this poem.
Terry
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