This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-08-20 10:01:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Scrolled Curved silver Sssss.... on dampened cloth Angels speak in Heavenly tones to still, as a statue Call out love save, as it gave hope Whenever needed Visions built the  highest mountains supreme placed adjacent to brick walls Your weapon of protection to cure internal cuts Is only Prayer, in soft whispers silently spoken determined yet broken like fine china smashed over stones heavy damned curse the leeches squirm to catch black blood from dying easy Stones or grouted pounds of pains Still the statue through heavey rains

Copyright © August 2009 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-09-01 09:19:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Needs slightly more connection to meaning. When articles are left out more vision must be given to imagery. Making this more like a story than the smattering of a display. Reach down and find something like what playwriters call, a dramatic core. Something that gives your poem direction or drive. Very good title. Make the poem live up to it. You have the substance, deliver it. JCH


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-08-29 22:39:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, Powerful last verse - with some very sharp and intense imagery. I relished the words. My suggestion here would be to strcuture the piece with a more 'meter' oriented flow and to bring the first few verses upto par with the very good imagery in the last verse. Good message. Duane.
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