This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-09-11 12:39:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Sex Fed and Tick Happy The wonder, caught up in rapacious abandon
taken as if you had a price on taking
Falling into a glory of hope you' be satisfied
like this tomorrow
She despises the gravity of expectation
but you think you're different, unique
You love is golden, dispenses showers crystal
instead of semen
The first averted look, the first shaken sentence
unfinished by lost affirmation in dropped tense
To find no moments frozen and lust just lust...
the dirty dinner plate A. Bierce discussed.
Somewhere the formula got wrong, up-ended
stilting the full body lay together soul to soul
With frigid stillness decrying pain the proof
that only loss proves depth. |
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Copyright © September 2009 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-09-21 18:15:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James is this a typo= "[You(r)] love is golden" ? It is truly odd how with maturity we view things, life changes, relationships, the acts of love or lack of and the all too human condition of percieved expectation to frutive actuality. Your poem is humbling as it leaves no room to barter but offers naked truth which often is a hard pill to swallow. I always enjoy your work and this is no exception. Your verbiage is fresh and sparks the mind to think, your words reverberate in the subconcious and often is the driving force for some us to begin to create, even re-invent ourselves. I enjoy the way you break your lines and often seperate certain words out to give more power to those words and the whole of your write. There is nothing to offer as suggestions for improvement or change, but then an accomplished pen as yours rarely needs advice or suggestions from the novice. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-20 00:22:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Love the title you chose for this poem. Catching. Also the structure of the first two verses - the separation of the last lines in each - make a pause that enhances the flow.
Satisfaction, I wonder if any of us are every fully satisfied? or do we keep searching for more?
Expectations of a woman are high, this I know for a fact - we look for that ultimate rush, need it - and if it doesn't come as you've said, we can judge the moment in our minds, and if it doesn't suit us - we feel let down.
Great job with 3rd verse - lust the dirty dinner plate - fresh idea, works very good in this poem.
It's the 4th verse I hesitated over - Stumbled with the first line, take a look again, 2nd line imagery, and meaning pulls the first line up, to stay intact with the rest of this poem.
Ending - Yes, completely true, and the poet in you, ends it with a statement of feelings felt.
Nice job,
best to you,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-09-11 18:18:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
JCH
Jesus, man, you're on the rise here, aren't you?
Little typo S2L3 I suspect.
I think your last line lets it down: too didactic an ending for my taste, especially given the tension you'd built through the rest, which I like very much.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-11 17:50:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JCH,
How fittingly you end on the word "depth." One of your trademarks. Dirty dinner plate . . . nice.
Ah yes, Woeman. Truth incarnated. God's last work, his Ninth Symphony (gulp). The gift of the sublime . . . and the other side of the coin.
If depth of thought and microscopic penetration of something were the sole criteria, or the highest - and maybe it is - you get the laurel. Of course.
Of course, as others may point out - these types of poems from you always generate an explosion or two - you're probably committing some grave offense here. I'm either too stupid or too smart to see it. And now you've got me . . . thinking.
Or course, of course, of course.
MSS
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