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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-10-06 18:20:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Autumn Tambourines

Traveling down this long road, flipping pages through my mind, the Autumn breeze blows through the trees shaking leaves like a thousand tambourines. Watching the sun reflect off gold hues in season complete I exhale and embrace this enchanting view Angels serenade Heavenly music 'round the leaves floating down n'er sound between the breeze I move on from this to cooler air of night the pages still flipping with what lingers in mind's sight Sun sets down over the mysterious in life.

Additional Notes:
You might just have to read this one every Fall season. Old write; posted back in 2004 - I reworked some of the imagery - tightened it up a little -

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-10-23 15:23:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You can still improve this, end with "over mysterious life". Last line, first verse, look at the difference in meter when you simply put, "shaking like a thousand tambourines". (Tambourines don't shake leaves.) First line, second verse, improve meter with "golden" instead of gold. Add to rhyme with the more perfect,"these enchanting views". See if you like these changes better. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think you were onto something grand. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-10-20 19:34:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Nice rhyme breeze, tambourines and leaves. I think life is hugely a mystery. Who are we? why are we here? Is there a God, an afterlife? on and on... Flipping pages, I do well at flipping too. Good job, thoughtful! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-10-10 17:28:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, this is just as pleasant a read today as when you first posted. You give us a feast of colors and vibrancy that only natures myteries can provide. Well done then and now. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2009-10-08 00:57:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
It is a beautiful offering for the Fall season.....old, new or in between it certainly present what this season is all about. Your words have brought forth the beautiful colors that also fill our country side and today the winds uprooted a few trees as it shook those leaves to the earth below. Thanks my friend for posting and being such an important part if the link. God Bless, Claire

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