This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-10-11 19:04:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Pleasure Chase

Blanched like the covering of tea leaves,  processed to hold the brew inside. Entranced by scents cinnamon's honey with lemon puffs aroma packaged plastic meant to soothe. Chocolate heaven,a divine place to eat enhance the trance to a glorious retreat. Propping pillows shades of markets best Allure the soul little traces of quick rest. All small pleasures unwrapped fleeting treasures humming of gifts to satisfy. A course opposite to aching bones that hesitate between well being of sordid monkeys in life chasing wrenching tears away from doe's saddest eyes.

Copyright © October 2009 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-10-29 00:10:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni, You try your hardest to find some peace of mind. May I suggest to go outside to nature. A mountain, a tree, waterfall, a garden, a walk. Nature helps sooooo much. I feel your sad doe eyes, [a good visualization of pain and sadness. I don't like the plastic, it cheapens nature. A good show of emotion. Now take your tablet and pen and step outside. Love to you, Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-10-11 21:28:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, An engaging poem that is full with color and taste - you create a sensual and comforting setting to lighten the burdens of stress. I especially liked these lines - 'Chocolate heaven,a divine place to eat enhance the trance to a glorious retreat.' 'of sordid monkeys in life chasing wrenching tears away from doe's saddest eyes' ----- stark imagery here; very nice I would change this line - 'Propping pillows shades of markets best'. Shades of markets best is vague and what might be a cool shade to you might not be to another. Tell us what the shade is. I also recommend leaving the market out. Let this be a setting between you and your paradise. Enjoyed the read, otherwise ! Duane.
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