This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-11-07 02:22:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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If They Could Only See I am colors.
Moods mystical powers
embrace my mind
change life,
with life a different shade all the time.
Blue moody misfit
to purple waters tranquil ponds.
Silver sentiments
covered over hours feeling,
Calmness of white placid baths
yellow splash of exciting moments.
Trading a dark bruised heart
with a soulful touch
of burgundy bliss.
Erotic red fusion
hot seeds of breath,
blowing amber kisses
to friends on
black days
giving golden dreams.
Placing each color
to its proper space.
Gently misting life
with streams of
innocently tinted sights.
I am colors.
Inside I can see
shields of coats
to paint over
all that lives
inside of me.
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Copyright © November 2009 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2009-11-12 16:00:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I have written an essay on similiar suject called "Colour Choices" dealing with the different colors of me..so I really enjoyed your poem, and the thought that we are many shades (moods) at many different time a rainbow as you put it. And what is anymore beautiful that a rainbow. "Gently misting life
with streams of innocently tinted sights."(Innocently)why innocently? Do you mean that is where the feeling come from , without cause? This is the only part I didn't quite understand. Thanks for sharing. I read the first one and then this one and I like the improvements.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2009-11-09 08:50:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It is amazing how words can bring forth images as they do....and this one is no exception for the colors presented can be seen and felt.....often I wonder how one may sees aura's which surround one with color or perhaps just a shade of one color but I know they can for I have seen it myself.....the moods and circumstances of ones life seem to be shared in depth within ones self and the colors are there to represent such a time.....If they Could Only See is a good title for this piece and I am colors...presents a good opening line.....a good read from start to finish .....thank you for posting and being a part of the link. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-11-08 22:30:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
Wow !! One of your best if not the best that I have read from your artistic pen. I like how you use the changing colors - like a painter's changing painting - a sa metaphor for moods and love the way you take the reader through all those changes swiftly yet, rhythmically. The colors relate well to the moods and I can tell that you have paid particular attention to economy of words and emphasis on image which for me, makes this piece particularly strong.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-11-08 19:30:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Deni,
This is definitely a very different type of write for you. It is strong and yet the sparseness of word makes it even more intense. There are a few places where it is a bit opaque but those spots still blend well with this abstract definition of self and emotion. The colors are a nice touch, and the poem is an easy smooth read. Although, for me; even with its intensity it still is lacking that little spark that makes it unforgetable, that little zest that is truly you. Wish I could pin point it for you, but I can't. Just the
same it was an ejoyable read. God bless.
TC
Lora
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