This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-12-11 01:03:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Club

Opened the door of her Ford, trucking in to Buymart, kids lagging behind. One licking cherry sugar off her hands, while the handsome guy passing in the isle, couldn't help but notice choking spandex pants curling up her ankles. Does that shirt say, "I'm a Hottie?", in pastel letters? A distraction catches him off guard, three women are arguing over  the last roll of poinsetta wrapping paper, while the janitor is sweeping pretzels up off the floor. The janitor smiles, and keeps sweeping. Eight teens run past, I-pods, screeching putting on a show where ever they can find an audience. Note pads, cross off lists,  "Where can I find the cheapest sweater in your store?" The stock clerk pushes his way past with a pallet of popcorn tins. Weary eyes, searching shelves have no idea what it is they want. Then the customer service rep stalls you for fifteen minutes giving his practiced speech about the latest hi-tech television on sale. Christmas? Stop! Blessed be the day When Jesus is remembered, In all the Glory of his birth, For all the people of the world, Who God has chosen to be a child of his. On this day only, Christmas is.

Copyright © December 2009 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
Just for fun.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-12-20 01:54:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Deni, I appreciate the light heartedness of the piece. Something to raise the spirits especially at this time of the year. I also like the message (the commercial tone that this season has taken on). It read much like prose but as you mentioned, it was just for fun and must not be looked at with a microscope. Take care and keep in touch. Duane.


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-12-17 09:40:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well, you saved yourself with the little note, from Mister Meanie. I get, from time to time, the most awful pictures humanity can design of, "The People of Walmart". It's like the way people used to dress up to go to their annual rendition of The Rocky Horror Picture Show...only the trailer park version. And Christmas only makes it worse...taste and rubes don't mix. Some fun indeed. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2009-12-12 13:19:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ah DeniMari, hello again! Its good to see that you are still here. (I've been gone a few) I love this little ditty and certainly do agree. But I love the descriptions that you used and the way you made them unfold! All that confusion! You only forgot one thing and that would be the carols blazing over and over above all the din! LOL I could (can/do) hear them in your crowd though. A delightful thing for me to come upon for my first read today! I imagine that some would think the stanzas and the rhythms are goofy but I won't go there. I love it-the confusion was intended (I believe) and I love it!
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2009-12-11 15:32:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Deni, This is a nice piece of poetic prose. At first I was inclined to make some suggestion to tighten it up a bit, then I saw your note that you wrote this in fun and have to agree that I had fun reading your well chosen words. In fact I believe I was in the same store this week! If we could only keep the reason we celebrate Christmas all year long, this would be a kinder and more loving earth. You demonstrate good humor throughout this piece. Well done. Best, cheyenne
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