To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Stop Renting Space In My Heart Brain pacing silently sitting still, adoration a quest for the magic pill. Trembling in order to keep my voice unheard, Not giving this empty heart a chance to be well served. You are driving my time left to right, and soon your face shall be out of sight. I’ll look on for gems in sky, Rainbow of tears no more will I cry. ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ (I) never counted the hours of love I gave you, or expected a promise of forever. It's hard to believe you turned so quickly, left and made me love sick, sickly. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2009-12-31 15:19:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hello Deni,
I especially like the theme you used for this poem and the rhyming couplets are well done. You have said just what needs to be said and nothing more, which to me, makes the write more powerful. At first I wasn't sure about the last two lines, which came as a surprise as I thought the poem ended with the last couplet. On further reads I found the last two lines exceptional as they gave this reader more insight into the meaning of the poem. Well done.
Best, cheyenne