This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-01 16:06:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Lingering Memory At dusk my path of echoes wrap
me ever soft in frilly lace
and velvet’s sheen with silky nap.
I’d never change and can’t replace
a love that time endured and scored
with whispered verse that night restored.
Now pretty frills are frayed and old
but memory waits while dreams unfold.
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Copyright © January 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-29 07:02:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
Another wonderful poem. In two short verses - you've brought so much out to the reader. The style & structure are very good. It does flow - flawlessly - with graceful imagery, and rhyme.
This is beautiful - beginning with the title; through the end.
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-01-26 17:46:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Cheyenne,
I like this love story...enduring and yet now you have the memories to dream on.
It seems sad and precious.
The lovely rhyme seems subtle but natural and unforced.
Short, to the point and lovely.
Love it!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-12 08:36:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh yes, this is delicious and delicate while yet it has a sad note even though in seems to be somewhat resigned. You speak of a love that has been long and enduring and even with time and loss; the memories are just as clear and treasured as they were when they were first made. Excellent structure with a nice easy cadence that lends for an easy read. Thank you for this well articulated poem. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-01-10 20:20:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
HI Cheyenne,
You capture the effect of a lingering memory by alluding to the comfort of 'frilly lace' and 'velvet sheen' and 'silky nap'. Tucked away in a bed of love, can be a good thing until, of course, decay rears it's head. That's the sense that I get from this piece. There is an ominous warning of decay over our comfort zones of 'cozy love'. It was nice to come across a ryming poem today. It is my favorite poetic form though I would also attempt 'slant' rhyme which is a huge blessing in giving the poem a more subtle and natural flow.
All the best for the competition.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-08 22:58:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
I would if using punctuation at all, place a comma instead of a period after nap.
Stylization of all else can be accounted an aide to reading. It is very interesting
how the first line depends so heavily on the title for astute meaning.
Rhyme is nice and tight without seeming contrived, your growing trademark.
The last line draws up something of a time quandary but I like it. If you would like
a slight more flair try awaits instead of "waits".
JCH
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