This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-07 00:38:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Pushed Away My idea was to naturally
walk the road of life with you
(I would have made you
laugh out loud and loved you to death)
Holding your hand
on an unseen road
with an unseen plan
(Why would you ruin
something so wonderful so soon?)
Seal each night
in charismatic love light
(It was too
good to be true)
Hug your body next to mine
(How I miss
those nights)
Until I found out
it wasn’t the right time
(When is the right time for you,
let’s wait is a cowards way
of saying never)
Ceased and dismissed
off your favorites list
I issued my question
(Why)
Met with your bold discretion
(An answer that I'll
never hear)
On too many nights I turn off the light
And wonder why I can’t keep love alive
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Copyright © January 2010 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Wondering if I'll ever find a "soulmate", because mid-way through life - it seems no one wants that job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-16 16:41:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Deni,
If there is one thing I have learned about poetry it is that writing of love is difficult. So much has been written on the subject. However, having said that I find this poem to be different in that the poet wonders why love escapes her and it's not repelte with flowery phrases just melancholy that is quite charming. Not charming that you haven't found your soul mate but the manner in which you speak of finding 'him.' I believe there is a soul mate for everyone but finding that person most often is not easy. People rush into a relationship just for the sake of having someone to love which doesn't always work as you have so poetically stated in this piece. I wish you well in finding just the right person. Also I do hope you are feeling better.
Best to you, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-12 09:05:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An unusual poem, one that poses statements and answers. It is a same that your statements in parenthesis could not have been in italics, would have been less distracting from the read. The common thread throughout
your poem is one of self doubt, of not feeling worthy-- low self esteem and general dispair. Writing is a useful tool for purging the demons that haunt us; and then we must move forward and cast of the negative spell for to attract positive input that is what we need to put forth. Your poem bespeaks of sadness and want, of disillusion and unhappiness and only falls short for not offering a reprieve in your closing lines.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2010-01-10 19:27:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
LOL lol oh DeniMari! You're feelings are well imagined (and shared). I enjoyed this. I know that you are striving to meet the feeling-'it makes no sense'-and for that I give you a thumbs up for the original line spacing and off-beat sort of way you expressed yourself.
Good luck on your soul mate search! Don't try too hard though. Its exhausting. Stay young and grab one before you're no longer in your mid-life...LOL
Thanks for sharing this. Tonight was a good time for me to see someone else's desperation..:)
Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-08 23:21:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
My dear, I have several issues with this New Age condensation of ideal into "soulmate".
Like something cookie-cut to fit into your life without work, endeavor to understand and
patience...all keeping you looking for an ideal instead of making something ideal. It doesn't
exist and it robs you of taking responsiblity for what is in your own sphere of influence you can
find if you're not wrapped up in delusion.
Most men endure women over something so singular and non-aesthetic it would amaze you. An older
man I knew for a very long time once told me after I had a reaction to his wife's controlling obsession,
"I'm just crazy about the way she smells". They had been together 30 years and remained so another 15,
until he died.
"Soulmate" implies harmonics...and nothing about that EVER stays the same. Was not meant to.
Most women, if a man is ever "crazy about them" can keep them. But not without effort, not without
probing into their joys and fulfilling them with newfound freshness. You just have to find the man
that keeps you enjoying doing this. And, damn it, open up so he can do the same.
In every 100 available men you'd consider dating is one that could work something worthwhile out with
you. IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR THE READYMADE.
Now, no more whining.
JCH
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