This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2010-01-18 22:25:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rime On The Hoarfrost
We studied together for an hour
In the Sunday Sun (hymnal, please)
Bending down on our knees
While we watched them shimmer
And then, mysteriously,
From nearly every branch,
Jump to their deaths
Seriatim; silently.
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Copyright © January 2010 Thomas Edward Wright
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-26 09:25:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Powers of observation can relate even the most happenstance of process (frost melting in the sun)to
dramtic event or sensual parallel. It is the poet's playground. Adding the worshipful (hymnal, please)
is an extravagance that verges on elegance. Even to your trademark, finding compaction with a word
(Seratim) to cover almost a vision in itself.
Do you work for Webster's?
A fine poem, even more effective for its brevity.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-01-22 20:36:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
TEW
I love it.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-19 16:55:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Tom,
You must forgive me as I am a loss to fully understand this poem. Rime and hoarfrost are synonymous but I tapped into my poetic license and decided rime does shimmer and when it begins to let go of the branch it can "jump" to its death (poetically speaking, fo course) I had to google the word "seriatim" and find it is a legal term. So armed with this information I have decided we have two people who are watching this event take place. Falling rime that jumps off the branch onto the ground without any judgement. Having said all that I love the poem and the mystery of its meaning.
Best, cheyennne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-01-19 10:18:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
TEW,
The frost performs its secret ministry (Coleridge) . . . of death (TEW).
Neptunian, Plutonian darkness - one of my favorite colors.
Deft short poem giving us wonderfully one of TEW's favorite words, "seriatim," with its usual TEW spin and punch.
First round TKO.
MSS
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