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The lucky stars At Jervis Bay, the overcast dome of night, tight as an oyster, withheld my novelty for you (you even asked how long we'd last) night after muzzled night. I'd await cloudbreaks at all declinations while the dark broadcast its mockery, frogs sniggering their oestrous state. Third evening: clear air set the tone. 'You'll see two satellites tonight' was the forecast I rushed to make. Though all we saw was that one between two less-expected bolts, white javelins on black atmosphere opening heaven for us, you forgave me my prophetic faults for the lucky catch we'd made: one satellite, two shooting stars. Far less shy than your eyes, and far less brief, those lucky stars have stayed with me: I gave up satellite- hunting for them from that moment, knowing how they'd rise again in your eyes, where my own saw fate. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-03-03 14:17:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Probably the best love poem I've read since MSS's "At Home with the Sleeping". Showing that it is a genre that will persist, even better than done in the past.
To poem this close to private feelings, is to allow readers a privileged glimpse into the depth of feelings that some men can have. This poem shows that there is really no other way for love poetry to extend beyond what has already been said. Abstractions and generalities simply can't carry anymore the themes of love and desire anymore, and in this poem there were none. Thus, you have freed readers from the pat response that sentimental writing demands of them and allowed them a view distinctive and enduring in theme because of its originality.
Terry