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No Price To Pay For Beauty Along the thicket of jungle road a pauper limped by with a heavy load. No shoes, nor shaven traveling his haven of nature's protection marked by rejection; he had outdoor beauty no one could buy. Each day found countless moments, blessings befitting a King or Knight; or moon shining bright in light devine to time his soul to restful sleep. His dwellings were scattered none of them mattered, changing as seasons with pleasures of life; always sufficed his needs. The rewards were seeds of adventure like sparkling waters where others threw quarters, or other change. Wishful moments made he merely leaned his face to see wonders of others desires; not to take or rake it nor fill his pockets and steal their dreams. His hopes seemed well below sad with regrets to all that past him, to all he met. Yet he had the honor of living life free, no plans or goals just a helpless soul sweetened without prosperity. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-05-30 22:53:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
An awesome ending verse that packed punch. This oiece carries a very important message and you do well in taking a philosophy and giving it a home among the inherent constraints in poetry (form, meter, etc). This poem has a social consciousness to it.
There can be some ironing out of flow. I was dstracted after verse 1 and 2 when the flow broke off...I'm not sure if you intended to work within a structure in terms of meter. A few spelling nits - light 'devine'...did you mean 'divine'? And 'to all that past him'...did you mean 'passed' him?
Take care,
Duane.