This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-05-21 02:03:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Free Your Mind Cleansing with purity and pride
anxiety waving a final good-bye.
Not to hide inside
negativity that always
takes the best of feeling free.
Feeding a soul on sunshine's gold
moments embracing the "Ah's"
breathing out the Oh no's.
Simply allow your heart
to pause with life calmly
unbreakable statues
in gardens of easy to be.
Fretting and chains
won't be able to gain
hold, or promise
to try you to old.
Sanctuaries built
all blame, shame, tears and guilt;
penned to end this verse
shattered scattered
out to the universe.
When you're about to toe on to a hot stone
jump it's heat to your pleasure zone. |
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Copyright © May 2010 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe P. OGrady On Date: 2010-06-05 12:04:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I love your rhymes and alliteration (i.e. "shattered scattered"). In places your poem is reminiscent of e.e. cummings, ("in gardens of easy to be"). The message is uplifting (all your heart to pause with life calmly) and soothing. Well done!
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-05-28 17:26:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
You are so good at writing free verse, something I am still working on. The language in this well written piece is fresh and begs to be read more than once. In my life I have found to be positive is a treasure which negates all feelings of woe. That is how your poem speaks to me. An excellent free verse with a powerful and uplifting message.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-05-27 12:06:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari
“negativity that always, takes the best of feeling freeâ€, what a line to go by. I understand the dynamic of not letting the irregular overshadow the irreplaceable. I wonder if it is a general platitude of life.
Sanctuaries, metaphor for mental health, that is, finding the silver lining, devalueing the negative- “shattered?†I guess the build up was too great to overcome thus the last verse-
that is, if in doubt knock boots? A great suggestion. I understand pleasure is a wide defined word, but it also leads to the respite.
An interesting and guiding view of life. I presume a specific issue leads to it, but it is generally a fine anecdotal piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-05-25 17:26:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Deni,
Interesting take on eliminating stress, living pleasure.
You scattered your problems out to the universe.
Letting it 'go'.
If this works you should bottle it.
Earth needs so much help.
The sea life suffering is so difficult.
Good job,
Dellena
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