This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-05-22 15:39:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Wounded Sea

I still recall when seas were clear with rippled waves that claimed the sway and frothy foam atop the crest that licked the shore with tongues and spray I heard the ocean’s voice when stilled by streaks of oil that billowed black the rhythmic beat of water gone and ships with sails that fell to slack The fish both large and small now cry as scum has stained their only home a raven marks the churning seas and eyes the life that’s turned to bone The shore owns birds with feathers cakes whose wings refuse to fly aloft they sit in crude that claims their life amidst their cries so weak and soft Disaster struck like evil’s twist without a warning sign or bell the brine so sweet now tragic’s tale that sunk into the depths of hell

Copyright © May 2010 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2010-06-07 16:49:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is a really exceptional poem. I love the way you leave blame completely out of it, makes the reader able to accept his own. It is extremely well written and belongs in the top few poems ever written on this site and I don't critique often but I read a lot of tpl poems. Be proud and pat yourself on the back as what poet wouldn't be proud to claim this as their own? Exceptional and I would be surprised if this is not #1 for this month. bravo


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe P. OGrady On Date: 2010-06-05 12:09:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! A very powerful piece and of course very topical. I love your rhyme and metre, and of course the poignant message. The alliteration (frothy foam, billowed black) adds to the urgency of the poem. The final verse perfectly captures the sense of hell evident in the real world catastrophe that's unfolding. Well done!
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-05-27 22:37:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Excellent poetic form, your words are so good with describing this latest oil slick, which I've read is worse than the Valdez tragedy. Cheyenne, I would note on each verse, but your poetry is so illuminating, and flawless in my mind - truly, I mean this in all sincerity, you are a gifted writer who brings up fresh, clear imagery - without leading the reader anywhere else except to where, they need to be. Satisfied & complete with a wonderful poem to read. Love your style, and so glad you are here with us. I just may learn a few more things that the others haven't shown me yet, Kudos, and on my list for May. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-05-27 12:23:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A refreshing metaphor “raven” to the oil slick. Well done. This piece is current and fresh. It is well written with no forced images. I was spellbound while reading it. “Disaster struck like evil’s twist”, excellent analogy. You were able to keep the rhythm correct over the entire piece. It will be a tough one to beat this month!! Excellent Offering!! Not a line I didn’t like. Send it in email to Governor Jindal!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-05-25 17:32:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Cheyenne, I'm soooo with you. My gut is wrenched to know of the horror from the spill! They could have capped it/plugged it up by dynamiting around it, from the start. The government powers that be, have nasty ways to eliminate people. Starvation for one, poisoning another. I can't bear the pain of it all for our wild life. I'm so ashamed to be a human cause of it all. Your poem makes me weep. Dellena
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