This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-06-03 03:24:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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"Uniforms" Should Be Worn With Pride

Within the bricks where men stood tall a tale was told then hushed them all. Quaint as could be along a river towns majestic scenery, blood would flow eventually. Elected clowns never kept watch over you wearing their false blue. Hidden midst the huddle ego sighed and mumbled lies of one held in esteem; never thinking how cold cruel words would cause a fatal scene. Stand up for your brother? When â€œlights” are flashing dim. every dirty deed is not pissed in to the wind. Haunts will come back when you’ve tried to hide the lies, carried far beyond your might higher beyond your sight straight to the dead one’s "Heavenly" light. Then it’s over in the bitter gut of one, but the truth is crashing through the bricks; For your damage has been done and you sad fool have fooled no one.

Copyright © June 2010 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
We know in life, people become policemen, firemen, elected officials that are easily corrupted and go against what we as people believe in their purpose ,in forces to protect us. It's a sad fact that not all of them honor their call of duty, in any rank of any public position and use their small minds, instead of upholding a committment to protect and serve - they are only people dressed in uniform, and when the uniform comes off - the very individual they are in life - comes out to scare the hell out of us.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-06-20 16:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, I want to say some things not very poetic. First of all, all our warring is not to protect and serve the people. It's is basically for [evil usually] government agendas that is unknown by the young idealistic man/soldier. [when he signs up] They are asked then to kill! Along with other evil inhuman acts asked of them! Is it any wonder coming back from this they are almost soulless. They my dear have been "had". My heart bleeds for our poor used emotionally up servicemen. What they thought was heroic/yes, but manipulated madness was laid on them to carry the rest of their days. The secret twist is hidden from most everyone as we wave our flag of peace. American government doesn't care or want peace! It's a mind f...! They want power and money.....that's it. Research my dear! I'm done hope you don't mind my point of view. I could go on but I've said enough! Your poem did bring out emotion and fervor. Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-06-13 01:58:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Deni, Wonderful power flows thorugh this emotional expression. The entire piece bears the image of a clenched fist and I hope as much as you do, that this sort of expression causes a few bloody noses on the faces of 'elected' clowns. I like how you link the corruption and the politician to create a platform on which to base the injustices meted out to servicemen. I can also see how this is a very personal theme for you considering the infinite feeling of loss you have had to bear. Again, taking nothing away from the raw emotion and powerful expression of the piece, flow will be something you could look at so that the reader does not stumble along. What you might want to do is to go either with free verse or rhyme and if you are choosing rhyme then consderation for meter is important. Here, I see you have tried to keep with free while attempting to bring in rhyme. An example is line 3, which caused me to stuble and figure out where you really intended your line break.... Nevertheless, liked the emotion in this. One of your most fiery pieces till date. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-06-10 10:55:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, I have read this poem several times in the last few days and almost didn't write a critique as I don't know what to say. I will tell you that I have two policemen and one fireman in my family. They are proud of the job they do and are true to the uniform and badge they display. The fireman is also a medic and when 911 is called they are the first to come to save a life. Both have many accommedations, from the public they serve, for going beyond the call of duty. They are neither corrupt or small minded. Having said that there are politions that fit the theme of your poem. You are intitled to your opinion, of course, regarding those in uniform and sadly there are those who are not so stellar and give the rest a bad name. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-06-08 20:32:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, I found this an excellent piece of modern poetry. Your casual rhyme pattern appears non-contrived while your verbiage and meter convey deeply pondered thoughts and philosophy. Your poem reads smoothly and the flow moves the reader along with ease, yet one needs to read this several times and ponder each section to be able to fully appreciate the impact of your words and thoughts. At first blush; the civil war era was brought to mind, then-the present now of our political system with the tables of the players from the civil war reversed. However, as one thought leads to the next, I wandered from the political arena to the state of our oceans-BP's misconduct and manuevering to finally rest on the subject of Helen Thomas and her personal opinion remarks about the Jewsih people and what they should do. Mind you--I believe in free speech--however as a reporter I thought that one was suppose to report fact not their personal opinion. Yes, your poem address' many arenas and they are all found measured and wanting. This is brilliant writing--by far one of your best. Kudos. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2010-06-08 15:20:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow, a powerful poem Deni, it reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe Very creepy and ominous. "Wear their false blue" hits like a 50's morality movie script. I can picture the "sad fool" standing there dumbfounded at being discovered. Very nice job, thanks for posting. KenP
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