This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-07-12 19:04:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Once Upon a Then Alit with sun's energy
Brighter than the blaze's rays
She enters into my days
Within the moment she's here
As if time never existed
Like before, she usually smiles
Joy flows with the memory
From her to me the pleasure
Treasured after all these years
In truth time doesn't change us
Embedded into ever
Forever her spirit dwells
Earth's hand hold did unravel
Alone I live without her
But as wind ripples the trees
It leaves me to wonder
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Copyright © July 2010 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-07-22 16:59:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
In reading this well crafted poem I wonder if you are speaking of a loved one lost or the loss of our earth as we know it. Either way your words are beautiful and haunting. I think of those I have lost and in doing so your words bring a tear to my eye. I think this is one of those poems that can be interpreted in more than one way. You have given your readers the opportunity to sense both your loss and theirs. A lovely poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-07-16 09:16:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena you have turned some wonderful phrases and I especially like "Earth's hand hold did unravel". A somewhat melacholy read yet layered within there is a sense of hope as your closing line redeems the sorrow
by way of leaving the author to wonder. An easy flow, moving smoothly afords the reader a pleasant experience. A small suggestion "Like before, she [usually=delete] smiles" just a suggestion--for this reader it deluted the feeling created causing less of a punch to this line. Very nicely done, thank you for sharing. Wadoh Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2010-07-14 20:26:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Dellena,
This part give me chills and goosebumps that are still present:
Earth's hand hold did unravel
Alone I live without her
But as wind ripples the trees
It leaves me to wonder
There's a strong sense here - you've given us an impression of
the presence of someone whom you sense "as the wind ripples the
trees" - and your wonder is very palapable. I enjoyed this
immensely, and find I'm choking up a bit, thinking of the dear
ones whose presence I miss - especially "as the wind ripples
the trees." It truly is "as if time never existed" when sensing
someone or something from the past. Beautiful, soulful writing!
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-07-14 08:28:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, I entered this piece looking for the normal answers, and left glad that I knew the questions.
The first stanza leaves us wanting identification. One may say the sun, or the day, but just as a suspect is described as best one can, the face of truth shines much brighter. We know that “she enters into my daysâ€. There is a question and an answer in the same few words.
The curious and powerful contribution in stanza 2 is the “as if time never existedâ€. The arrival, and the possibility of a smile (appreciation and warmth), all keeping time at bay.
“Joy flows with the memory†brings about a sweetness to the recollection, and then your outpouring of “pleasureâ€, “treasured†and the aforementioned “after all these yearsâ€. I don’t know the moment, but I have shared enough of it with you to find the joy.
“In truth time doesn't change usâ€, this is controversial, but then I recognize the images resolved in the mind, and the images of the external. There is a sanctity to where “spirits dwellâ€, if you will.
I have often “wondered†while listening to the “wind ripples†in the trees. That which happened a million yesterdays and yet happens today. I think there is the wisdom there, of this world and times counting without being causative.
Dellena, a pleasure reading this piece.
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