This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-08-16 15:39:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Fortune Teller She reads the lines of palms for golden coins
Her ears hold hoops of silver, brass and beads
That fall below her raven hair in curls
And pouty lips of ruby red demand
The patron’s secrets speak in whispered words
A ring of truth surrounds the lie she tells
That prompts the woolen man and linen girls
To seek her sultry voice that calms the heart
A crystal ball, a deck of cards, her trade
And gypsy eyes of blackened hues are sage
At times the tale she weaves becomes a fact
Despite the warning signs the wary keep
Her fingers finely etch the promise sought
By soft or calloused hands that open wide
With polished nails she strokes her velvet skirt
Her dress is opulent with swirls and pleats
Aromatic scents that float on streams of air
Like wisps of breath in passion’s dream of sighs
Exotic candle light that softly glows
Completes the mystical look promised here
Her subtle movements stun and haunt the mind
They hypnotize her public night and day
While hearing echoes caused by twists with turns
A lesson taught by blood and blade now passed
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Copyright © August 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2010-11-14 13:15:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, i loved this one. i had just listened to doc watson sing "Gypsy Woman" and the visuals are the same for me. your poem reminds me so much of his song i will have to send you a copy of it so you can see the similarities. My fav line by far was the ring of truth surroundind her lies, yummy. I loved the last line but don't quite understand it, would you explain it to me please? This was a really neat read, something new and exciting. Where'd you get your information? Were you a reader? Did you go to a reader? I am curious and a wonderful job on this one! An 11 on the scale of 10!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-08-21 23:15:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Cheyenne,
Some wonderful, exotic imagery in this piece. The black, red, gold and silver colors make for a nice alluring mix and the words used add a soft touch to the flow of the poem. 'They hypnotize her public night and day' was a weak line to me and you might want to strengthen it.
Very nice read.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-08-21 20:31:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I've always been drawn to those who make a living telling fortunes, delving in to the mystical mysteries of others personalities and expressing their thoughts with an entrancing flair, adorned with costumes and a sense of heightened awareness - whether they are scams - or truly have such a powerful ability is fascinating.
This is good, imagery rolls with each verse and I feel like I'm seeing this poem come to life.
You have a delicate sense of knowing just where to place each word and draw the reader in, which you know takes skill, passion for what you are doing and talent that is held within your spirit.
Very good Cheyenne,
I wouldn't change a word, it's exceptional as written,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-08-18 08:19:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, you bring a wonderful explicit picture of the scene. It was as if I was sitting there, and you took what was scene and felt through my eyes. I almost expected my “fortune†to be told by the end of the piece.
I’ll have to admit (abashedly, I guess), that as I view her, when you added the “pouty lipsâ€, it moved me. I was more interested. I think I like red lipstick too.
My assumption after “A ring of truth surrounds the lie she tells†that you ascribe to the notion that a good observer can capture a lot of truth by “surmising†the situation. At any rate, you say it well in the verse.
My favorite part –
Her fingers finely etch the promise sought
By soft or calloused hands that open wide
Wonderfully alive!
You outdid yourself on this piece. “aromatic scentâ€, “exotic candleâ€, “mystical look†– it might be said that all the key words are in place, I say- they are woven into an excellent and easy to read tale!
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