This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-08-29 10:42:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Night in Summer's Soul Specks of light
way up high
over head.
Crickets songs
lift out
from dark
beds.
Laying margins
of night with
clearing away,
Clutter or pins of pearls
from another Summer day. |
|
Copyright © August 2010 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-09-06 17:31:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
Gazing heavenward on a warm summer's night, evaluating the day.
Pins of pearls is wonderful wording....
Enjoyed the moment with you.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-09-02 17:17:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Deni,
I am a fan of short poetry when it says much more than the written words. I find this poem to be a melancholy write, maybe even sorrowful. The only thing I would change is your first verse. I would delete the words "way up." Since you follow with "high overhead" it becomes redundant because if it is high overhead we know it is way up. Hope that makes sense to you. A good poem and one I enjoyed reading.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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