This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-09-13 22:36:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Flashing lights Burning bright Spinning round  Against her might Closing eyes Buried lies Locked away  Until she dies Guilty mind Lost in time Never knows What she will find Innocence  Blindly spent Frozen heart  She has no sense Trapped within The mind’s dim Lights are off She cannot win

Copyright © September 2010 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-09-21 17:28:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie, This is a powerful poem and one that makes me think of some horrible event. Flashing lights spinning, reminds me of a police car or fire engine. The happening has left the protagonist blindly spent with a frozen heart and trapped within. You have a nice rhyme that pulls the lines easily down the page. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-09-19 09:20:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very intense poem Mandie, which tells me something perhaps traumatic is being expressed with chosen words that bring out the best in this piece. Time has cast a spell on this event, thus the memory comes out too often and will not allow the intended to forget. Good rhyme scheme, nothing was forced or seems out of place, it keeps with the style and reads well. So many scenarios come to mind, but first - an event that needed police, a fire, something powerful. Enjoyed your poem, and who ever this is written for will find peace, if they look away from the past and look up and onwards to the future. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-09-18 14:29:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, I presume a woman erred, probably after drinking "Spinning round - Against her might"; and the secret of her experience haunts her life. My guess would be adultery or rape (which women often characterize with unwarranted guilt). Caught in her mind (whatever the infraction) she is forced to deal with it internally- fearing to release the information, even to a close friend or confidant. In your last stanza (I know you are keeping triplets), i'd drop the "the" in line two and use "Mind is dim". The "the" is superfluous to your point. An interesting read- I hope I at least caught the spirit, if not the content. It was nice meeting you through your verse. Thank you for sharing.
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