This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-09-21 18:28:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Storm She treads the road rutted and wandering
contemplating stones that lie at toes touch
Cark and wail rally nested hiding fowl
from fields as flap’s rising flutters on breeze
Her steps no longer come steady and sure
though determined one after another
Wind rustles neglected stalks and wheat’s chaff
as they grow sweeping wild through broken rail
She eyes hands crookedly clutching basket
bone and vein’s teal shade dapple skin’s paper
Dusted and dampened foliage scent the air
charging electric as sound shudders ground
Hues of mauve slate fractured by crackle’s flash
testify to life’s oft changing zephyr
The storm rolls over to douse old and new
carrying on she treads the road rutted
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Copyright © September 2010 Lora Silvey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-10-06 17:10:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh wow Lora. Approaching the scene is the air of familiarity. Even those unfamiliar with the anthem, would leave feeling the familiarity.
"lifes oft changing zephyr", one waits for the hope and redemption. I think the realism captured is a rationale analysis- but one must cling to the "carrying on" for whatever hope there is in the familiiarity and the transition.
I love stanza 1, line 3, but think there is something wrong with its phrasing.
S3 L2 are both beautiful and forbidding. "foliage scenting the air" speaks beautiful of the morning refreshment- and makes me want to inhale deeply.
A touching piece Lora- my guess is the storms redeem both the old and the new.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-09-25 17:50:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Lora,
I was with you on the walk. I saw the colorful wonderful Mother Earth through your eyes.
Skies and field are what we are. Hard going but still keeping on. Even as lightening strikes.
Rutted the road from life's travels but what is the recourse?
Great imagery......wonderful descriptions.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-09-22 17:29:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Lora,
This is an amazing poem and very professional. You captured the scene well and I felt as if I were watching the woman as she trod, a little uncertain but determined. I especially like free verse written in this form, to me it is more poetic than some I see. Excellent job!
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-09-21 22:22:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
God bless you to be back here Lora, missed you.
Once again you have knocked the ball out of the ballpark, with a challenging write cut even on the poetic table,
by blending verbiage, imagery, emotion and intensity into your verses holding the reader captured by art,
flawless art, that I hope to achieve at some point in time.
There is nothing to change in this post. She is a patron of Saints among ladies, reflecting on life -
sharing her tale with the rest of the world.
Beautiful, on my list,
blessings,
Deni
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