This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-10-10 09:43:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Cost of Life

dying breath  lasting still  with one more gasp i’ll hold until  she’s returned  then we’ll see if living life is really free no One knows when we die within the house of mirrored lies where truth falls left behind lost in the depths of no One’s mind razor’s edge jagged piece truth cuts like ice it just won’t cease blood pours out evidence that she’s alive but never since we recall memories burned no One’s mind lost in the breeze parts scatter everywhere when truth arises then no One dares no One does what i can to hide away in open land my last breath holding fast with hope that soon we will outlast her escape from today the cost of life that we must pay dying breath  lasting still  with one more gasp i’ve held until  she returned  now we see that living life is never free

Copyright © October 2010 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-02 11:11:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Mandie I like the way you capitalized the word "ONE" in this poem. Naturally it's a very sad, emotion felt piece of what has been lost and you have managed to get the message out to the reader in concise structure with rhyme and imagery to enhance your write. I believe with my whole heart that nothing in life is "Free", except perhaps love and there are always conditions placed on love so how can love really be free. We are put on earth to live our lives the best way we know how, some are more fortunate some are less yet all in all we can find a blessing in each day if we look past the shadows and find it. Great poem, blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-10-30 20:56:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mandie This is a lament, indeed, and a powerful one ... though I found "razor's edge" and "mirrored lies" a bit clunky. Very moving. Best wishes, Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-10-21 16:46:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, finding the intuitive reason within life and death is at best difficult, at worst filled with lack of choice. You capture well the issues and feelings that will course through the heart and soul- while see, finding the passing of one known. The ending or "living life" has its cost consolidated into the period of performance, if you will. Your style in this verse cannot be evaluated. Either a reader finds value or doesn't. I choose to dwell on the message and find my own resonance in the lyric you write. A worthwhile moment for reading; to evaluate the assumptions and presumptions of living and death. I enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-10-16 19:49:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is such a sad and poignant poem that makes the reader's heart ache for what should be readily available for all to see but for whatever reason--has to remain hidden. As is with all things, the truth will eventually be seen, at what cost will it be given and yet at what sacrafice has it been hidden... A very deep and stunning write that gives the reader many avenues to ponder. Your many layers hold so many meanings within their lines that I feel I have not done your poem justice. Excellent. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-10-10 15:47:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mandie, I have read this piece many times and can't quite figure out why you have put caps on the word 'One' signifies that the word means God. Having said that, I find this to be an outstanding poem with good rhyming and flow. I think you may be speaking about a loved one that died or it just might be your fertile imagaination. Either way it is well written and thought provoking. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne
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