This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-10 22:18:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Waiting Waiting Time ticking Tick tick ticking Each moment passing While holding my breath Waiting Waiting Tick tock timing The nightmares roaring The shrill cries of fires Burning souls alive Breaking hearts apart Shattering lives instantly Dying inside  Shattered parts scatter To far away places Unseen faces  Peer from the dark Corners of hell Deep in a well Of pain, rage, horror and fear They blink away tears Invisible to you Waiting  Waiting To see if the words Will come this time To tell you their story Of terror and fright Of fleeing and plight Of watching and waiting Of burning deaths Piercing hearts Bleeding corpses Trapped in boxes Of guilt for sins Committed in innocence Stalking the minds  While they’re Slowly dying  Piece by piece Dissipating Dissolving  Dissociating Far far away Repairable they’re not For pieces that were lost long ago Haunt the memories  Of those left peering Those left waiting Waiting Waiting Watching Listening  Waiting  Waiting  As time keeps ticking

Copyright © November 2010 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-11-28 01:08:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
A very strong poem Mandie. Your repetition of "waiting" makes a very strong impact. The overall tone of your poem brings images of war to the mind, of women, children, elder people and soldiers all dying--for what? It raises anger, and a want to lash out at the injustices that war brings--so many caught up in the whims of the keeper of the keys... OK, off my soap box...a very compelling poem written exceptionally well with an excellent choice of verbiage that conveys your message quite well. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-12 17:54:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie, This poem is dark and brooding, Poe would be proud of you. I can easily feel the fear and distraught mind that lays inside the lines of this piece. You have good word selection that is stark and unyielding. I have failed at trying to pick a line or phrase I like the most as I like them all. Every poet tries to write a poem that is not easily forgotten and you have done that. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne
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