This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-20 17:34:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Shattered Orange Beside this broken heart of tears
the shattered orange light is sad
I’ll cry and bare my soul of fears
until the bore of night departs
I hear the rhymes my family sang
when I was but a tiny child
recalling happy bells that rang
and even though a saint I’m not
their love was true with some to spare
They’re gone and life becomes my hell
while curling corners leak despair
despite the mem’ries I adore
like mother’s subtle jasmine scent
and father’s eyes that softly smile
Now curves of time will not relent
in glowing days or orphaned nights
As sorrow looms it feeds my grief
but solace comes on wings of owls
and baby coos that bring relief
on cloudy days forever waits
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Copyright © November 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-28 21:50:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
cheyenne,
Another poignant piece about the process of remembering and letting go of those who have gone before us. Your subtle rhyme pulls the reader through the verses and an uplifting note of hope to end. Grief and sorrow are, for me, such insurmountable feelings, but you have done well expressing them here and giving voice to these turbulent and longing emotions. Well done!
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-11-28 01:25:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Such a deeply sad and heartfelt poem written with such skill from your accomplished pen. Your flow is smooth and your rhymes lend a certain lilt to your count, an enjoyable meter. Your word choices definitely add a nice flavor to this even in its sadness, your closing line does show a chance for redemption--hope. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-11-24 08:30:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The passing of life, or the living remains a candid sight to us all.
Your line "forever waits" and that is really the antithesis to the rest of the verse- where family and living are active or shadows; and moving on is melancholy or resourceful.
Jasmine, but the way, is my favorite scent.
A touching piece that brings contemplation to my morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-11-20 18:07:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
This was melancholy. The family long since gone, memories of better
easier children's days. And today the gray clouds stay as the powers that be have decided to
change up things and depopulate.
It is not the best of times..........for anyone.
You carry the theme well throughout.
Good job
Dellena
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