This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-12-08 17:19:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Broken Pallet the rise of dawn
chose purple and mauve
to peek above
horizon’s hem
as sun’s tapestry
spreads its colored gown
the silvery mist
of night shadows
but a memory
sadly this goes unnoticed
by his eyes
blind to all but his
own perceived light
his acidic tongue
spewing harsh words
demean those who admired
him most
and so his days and nights
become pointless
as his verse
lays on stone
silent and waiting
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Copyright © December 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-01 10:12:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
The first verse is written with great imagery leading the reader to see what is coming next. Great word choices but you have perfected that in your poems (smile)...
I did pause with the second verse wondering who "he" is, and this instills the reader to imagine through you, and I'm hoping it's a collective "he"...of what is being missed by not being able to see this beauty.
Your message is complete - if we don't look for the beauty we will never see it - some of us can with eyes wide open and some of us refuse to acknowledge it exists.
Great job - beginning with the title -
Happy New Year sweetheart,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-12-26 21:52:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hi Cheyenne,
I can see how the blast of color in the opening verse fades into the darkness of the ones that follow to keep your theme intact. You write of a 'sour' poet who cannot shine because of his outlook. That is interesting and well carried through your piece. Is this general or a personal account of a mentor who might have let you down? Just wondering.
Nice to read you again, after a long lapse.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-12-23 19:55:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
Always so intense, colorful, sad and thoughtful.
People never learn to be kind. Of course in these days of trial
life is difficult.
You write from your heart so well.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-12-11 16:54:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne I have seen many who would throw barbs at other poets in essence to make themselves look as though they were a much better poet by making others lesser than their equal. Pure jealousy or meanness of spirit--it is hard to tell. And, then after such a bout seen that their work is weak and without luster leaving no response from a would be audience...so sad. You've amptly discribed the breaking of maybe an other wise astute an articulate poet, your tightly clean written verse is exemplary in telling this story...Bravo. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-12-10 20:48:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Cheyenne, I am not sure who this is targeting, but it definetly holds harsh words.
I can think of several poets whose self absortion can be linked to demeaning other poets and / or creating the aura of his/her own superiority- but that has never been more than a social invective, rather than the verse "laying on stone, silent and waiting".
I should hope discover recovers the essence.
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